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Table of Contents
Adults Only Halloween Jokes
Why do we carve pumpkins at Halloween?
“Because they have less blood and aren’t as messy as animals.”
What is the witch’s favorite crime show?
“America’s Most Haunted.”
What do you call it when a vampire has a serious problem in his home?
“It’s a Grave problem.”
Why do skeletons make good comedians?
“They are two humerus.”
Why did the monster go inside the bar?
“For the boos.”
What do you call an annoying pumpkin who does stupid stuff?
Related: Cheesy Halloween Jokes
What health insurance do Halloween creatures use?
What’s a skeleton’s favorite board game?
What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
“They gave him the cold shoulder.”
Why is the woman afraid of the vampire?
“Because he is all bite and no bark.”
What’s the Cause of Death when the gigantic prize winning pumpkin crushed a man to death?
“He was gourd to death.”
Why do cemeteries have walls and fences?
“Because people are always dying to get in.”
What happens if you combine a vampire and a snowman?
“You get frostbite.”
Clean Halloween Jokes For Adults
Do you know what killed the man who had a two ton pumpkin fall on him?
“He was squashed.”
“I’m not saying my son is ugly…But on Halloween he went to tell the neighbors to turn down their TV and they gave him some candy.”
What is a vampire’s worst fear?
“Tooth decay. “
What should you give a pumpkin who can’t quit smoking?
“A pumpkin Patch.”
I heard there is a skeleton in your closet?!
“No, the body hasn’t decomposed yet.”
Why are pumpkins better than men?
“Every year you get a fresh crop to choose from.”
What did the boy ghost ask his father?
“Do humans really exist?”
Related: Dirty Halloween Jokes For Adults
Where do most ghouls and goblins live in 2022?
“In North Scarolina and South Scarolina.”
What happened to the man who got behind on payments to his exorcist?
“He got repossessed.”
Where should I go to learn about bones?
What do skeletons call a raging fun party?
Why did the headless horseman start his own business?
“To get ahead in life.”
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
“No, they like to eat the fingers separately.”
Dirty Halloween Jokes For Adults
Why don’t witches have babies?
“Their husbands have crystal balls.”
Why do the witches hate hanging out with the headless horseman?
“He’s obsessed with getting head.”
Why do witches wear no panties?
“For better grip on the broom.”
What did the vampire say to the teacher?
“See you next period.”
What’s the most popular dating app for skeletons in 2020?
“The Bone Zone.”
Why can’t the ghost have any children?
“He has a Halloweenie.”
Related: Fun Halloween Trivia For Adults
Why are male ghosts attracted to female ghosts?
“Because of their boo-bies.”
Why do Halloween ghosts moan, tremble, and shiver?
“Because of what’s happening under that sheet.”
Why don’t you ever have an unexpected pregnancy when dating a vampire?
“Because they can’t come inside without asking for permission.”
How do two skeletons have s#x?
“By boning all night long.”
1900: Dracula survived by drinking the blood of virgins.
“2019: Dracula dies of hunger.”
What’s unique about s#x with vampires?
“They only come at night.”
How did the woman learn her boyfriend was a vampire?
“He only came at night and would insist on giving oral the same time every month.”
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
“It’s a pain in the neck.”
What happens when two vampires meet?
“It’s love at first bite!”
Related: Halloween History Trivia
What do vampires use to make tea?
What is a vampire’s favorite part of s#x?
What do Dracula’s girlfriend and a professional boxer have in common?
“They both go down for The Count.”
What is Dracula’s porn star name?
“Vlad The Impaler.”
Why do skeletons enjoy s#x with dainty women?
“They like to bone a petite.”
How do skeletons make babies?
Halloween Knock Knock Jokes For Adults
Ivana suck your blood!
Witch one of you can fix my broomstick?
Related: Halloween Knock Knock Jokes
Getyur fangs outta my neck!
Orange you glad it’s Halloween!
Dishes a very Halloween bad joke!
Witch one of you will give me some Halloween candy?
Twick or tweet, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!
Related: Naughty Knock Knock Jokes For Adults
Wanda go trick or treating tonight?
Fangs for letting me in!
Ooze that monster over there?
Ice cream who?
Ice cream every time I see a ghost!
Don’t cry! I’m just a Halloween trick or treater!
Ben waiting to go out trick or treating all day!
Related: I Love You Knock Knock Jokes
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to give us more Halloween candy?
Canoe please give me a Halloween treat?
Hans off my candy!
Figs your doorbell, it’s broken!
Bee-ware, there’s a full moon this Halloween!
Halloween Dad Jokes For Adults
How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb?
“I don’t know but you really shouldn’t be in the dark with a cannibal.”
What do dentists hand out at Halloween?
“Candy. It’s good for business.”
Who’s the scariest body builder of all time?
Why don’t werewolves ever know the time?
“Because they’re not whenwolves.”
Why was the cemetery chosen to be the perfect location to write a movie?
“Because it had great plots.”
Related: Halloween Dad Jokes
What was the chicken ghost’s name?
How do you get rid of demons?
“Exorcise a lot.”
I dropped my pumpkin yesterday Jack-o-lantern?
“More like crack-o-lantern!”
Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Why don’t I like Dracula?
“He’s a pain in the neck.”
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
How do vampires start their letters?
“Tomb it may concern.”
Related: Good Dad Jokes Never Heard
Why are graveyards so noisy?
“Because of all the coffin.”
Cute Adult Halloween Jokes
What’s a zombie’s favorite treat?
“You might guess brain food, but it’s actually eye candy.”
What sea do zombies swim in?
“The dead sea.”
What brand of shampoo do zombies use?
“Head and Shoulders.”
Why don’t zombies eat popcorn with their hands?
“They eat their hands separately.”
Where do zombies live?
“On a dead-end street.”
Related: Funny Trick And Treat Jokes
What’s a zombie’s favorite cheese?
Why was Cinderella bad at football?
“Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.”
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre?
Why did the pumpkin take a detour?
“To avoid a seedy part of town.”
How do you mend a jack-o’-lantern?
“With a pumpkin patch.”
What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Why was the jack-o’-lantern scared?
“Because it had no guts.”
What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts?
“I don’t know, but it’s not working.”
What do you call a witch with a rash?
Related: Halloween Jokes And Riddles
What’s the problem with twin witches?
“You never know which witch is which.”
How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke?
I hope you have fun reading these adult Halloween jokes that are dirty and clean to share with your friends and others to let them enjoy too!