Here are hilarious Christmas crackers jokes to share with others over text or use at any Christmas party, dinner, or get-together.
Whatever your reason, I have handpicked these cracker jokes and puns for Christmas to have a laugh with adults.
Moreover, these Christmas jokes can help you to get into the festive mood as well as spread happiness by cracking up your friends, family, or people in your communities!
Take a look and pick your favorite cracker jokes on Christmas and help others get into holiday vibes quickly! Enjoy!
Table of Contents
Best Christmas Cracker Jokes For Adults 2024
Here are some of the best Christmas cracker jokes 2024 for adults to copy-paste and have fun.
Why did Jeremy Corbyn buy so many advent calendars this year?
“So he can practice opening the door to Number 10.”
What do Donald Trump’s presidency and your advent calendar have in common?
“Both their days are numbered.”
How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?
“He keeps a log book.”
What did the backing dancer serve up for Christmas dinner?
“Twerky.”
When is pizza an acceptable Christmas food?
“If it’s deep pan, crisp and even.”
Why does Santa’s sack bulge in every picture?
“He only comes once a year.”
What did 52% of Brits order for Christmas dinner?
“No Brussels.”
I wish I could afford Rudolph and blitzen decorations for my tree this year.
“Alas, they’re two deer.”
Related: Funny Dirty Christmas Memes
What did the Kremlin send MI6 in their Christmas hamper?
“A mince spy.”
How did the Three Wise Men figure out Jesus was exactly 6lb 9oz when he was born?
“They had a weigh in a manger.”
What happened to the burglar who robbed an advent calendar factory?
“He got 25 days.”
Why is Mrs. Claus always checking Santa’s phone?
“He seems to know where all the naughty girls live.”
Why did the Christmas tree lose its job at the blood bank?
“It kept dropping needles.”
Why did Santa’s little helper go in for counselling?
“He suffered from low elf esteem.”
What does Prince George play at Christmas instead of musical chairs?
“Game of Thrones.”
Related: Christmas Riddles For Adults
What happened when Santa got stuck in the chimney?
“He had an attack of Claustrophobia.”
What did the drunk snowman say to the carrot?
“Get out of my face!”
Why isn’t Donald Trump attending midnight mass this year?
“Fake pews”
What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
“Santa Clues!”
What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
“Santa going through a revolving door!”
What is Santa’s favourite place to deliver presents?
“Idaho-ho-ho!”
What did the sea Say to Santa?
“Nothing! It just waved!”
What does Santa do with fat elves?
“He sends them to an Elf Farm!”
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
“A Christmas Quacker!”
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
“Santa Jaws!”
Related: Christmas Jokes For Kids
What says Oh Oh Oh?
“Santa walking backwards!”
What do you call a dog who works for Santa?
“Santa Paws!”
What’s a child’s favorite king at Christmas?
“A stocking!”
Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
“Elf-is Presley”
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
“Because he had no body to go with!”
What do elves learn at school?
“The Elfabet!”
Why can’t Christmas trees knit?
“Because they always drop their needles!”
What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
“Mistle-toad!”
Related: Christmas Movie Quotes
Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop?
“Many of his workers have had to elf isolate.”
Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem?
“All Virgin flights were cancelled.”
Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?
“They have herd immunity.”
Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call?
“Because there was no Zoom at the inn.”
Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute?
“He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have.”
Related: Rude Christmas Jokes
What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner?
“They put on a super spread.”
Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time?
“Home Alone.”
Why won’t Santa lose any presents this year?
“He’s downloaded Sack and Trace.”
How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year?
“Fine. No sweat.”
Why wasn’t Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials?
“Because they only wanted guinea pigs.”
Which Government scheme supports Christmas dinner?
“Eat Sprout To Help Out.”
Related: Clean Christmas Jokes And Puns, Riddles
How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year’s staff Christmas party?
“Put him on mute.”
Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas?
“Marcus Rashford.”
Best Christmas Cracker Jokes 2024
What happens to elves when they are naughty?
“Santa gives them the sack!”
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
“One that’s deep pan, crisp, and even!”
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
“It’s Christmas, Eve!”
How does Christmas Day end?
“With the letter Y!”
How many letters are in the angelic alphabet?
“The Christmas alphabet has “no EL”!”
What carol is heard in the desert?
“O camel ye faithful!”
What type of key do you need for a Nativity play?
“A don-key!”
Related: Christmas Knock Knock Jokes
What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
“It got gobbled!”
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
“Frostbite!”
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
“Ice caps!”
How do snowmen get around?
“They ride an icicle”
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
“Iceburgers!”
When is a boat just like snow?
“When it’s adrift!”
What do you call Father Christmas on the beach?
“Sandy Claus!”
What do you call a cat in the desert?
“Sandy Claws!”
Who delivers presents to cats?
“Santa Paws!”
Related: Funny Christmas Jokes For Family
Why did the turkey cross the road?
“Because it was the chicken’s day off!”
What’s yellow and dangerous?
“Shark-infested custard!”
Why is it so difficult to train dogs to dance?
“They have two left feet!”
What wobbles and flies?
“A Jelly-copter!”
What goes ha ha ha clonk?
“A man laughing his head off!”
Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory?
“Because he couldn’t concentrate!”
How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
“On the dark side!”
Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star?
“Beyon-sleigh!”
Related: Dirty Christmas Jokes Pick Up Lines
What did the stamp say to the letter?
“Stick with me and we’ll go places!”
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
“Jingle Smells!”
Why is everyone so thirsty at the north pole?
“No well, no well!”
Christmas Cracker Jokes Quiz 2024
What do you call a three legged donkey?
“A wonkey!”
Why are pirates great?
“They just aaaaaaarrrrr!”
What do you call a deer who can’t see?
“No eye-deer!”
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
“Tinselitis!”
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
“Jungle bells!”
Who do Santa’s helpers call when they’re ill?
“The National Elf Service!”
Related: Corny And Clean Christmas Dad Jokes
What is white and minty?
“A polo bear!”
What are the best Christmas sweaters made from?
“Fleece Navidad!”
What athlete is warmest in winter?
“A long jumper!”
Christmas Crackers Puns One Liners 2024
“Your presents is requested!”
“Yule be sorry!”
“A round of Santa-plause”
“Clause all of me, loves all of you!”
“Santa cleans his sleigh with Santa-tiser.”
“That look soots you!”
“I have the final sleigh”
“You’re sleigh-ing it!”
“Believe in your elf!”
“Don’t be elfish!”
“Get the elf outta here!”
“I’m elf-taught”
“Let’s take an elfie!”
“Deer to dream”
“But wait, there’s myrrh!”
“Hold on for deer life.”
Related: Inappropriate Christmas Jokes
“How rude-olph of you!”
“Oh deer!”
“Make it rein!”
“Don’t stop, be-leaf-ing.”
“Fir sure!”
“We’re orna-meant to be!”
“You have to branch out.”
“Your Christmas decorations are tremendous.”
Related: Best Elf On The Shelf Jokes
“I love you from head to mistle-toe!”
“It’s the most pun-derful time of the year.”
“Mary and Joseph had a stable relationship.”
“When Santa’s in the room, you can sense his presents.”
Free Christmas Cracker Jokes Printable PDF 2024
Here are printable Christmas cracker jokes for adults to make your list of jokes and use this holiday season.
I hope you have found these Christmas cracker jokes and puns helpful in getting into holiday vibes and spreading joy around you.
Moreover, you can check out these jokes and puns on food, animals, and love to find more ideas that suit different moods and situations.
Related Topics:
Short Christmas Jokes & Riddles
Christmas Pun Names
Christmas Math Puns
Funny Christmas Sayings
Funny Early Christmas Jokes