50+ Christmas Jokes Funny One Liners For Adults | Clean | Short | Quotes 2024

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So the most joyful time of the year is here.

And that’s why it’s time to crack up with some hilarious and punny Christmas jokes for adults clean, that you can enjoy with all your special ones.

Laugh till your stomach starts to tremble like a bowl of jelly, with these best Christmas jokes funny edition.

Or take a look at this huge collection of funny Christmas one-liners for adults jokes, memes, and trivia for holidays, Christmas, and the new year.

Have fun and enjoy. Merry Christmas..!!!

Funny Christmas One Liners For Adults

Funny Christmas One Liners For Adults

What do snowmen use to make snowbabies?

What do a train set and your wife’s breasts have in common?
They were both made for kids but you can’t help playing with them.”

How does Santa practice safe s#x?
He always wraps his package before shoving it down the chimney.”

How is Christmas just like any other day at the office?
You do a bunch of work and some guy in a suit gets all the credit.”

Why do elves laugh when they run?
Because the snow tickles their balls.”

What do you get if you deep-fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.”

Related: Smart Christmas Jokes One Liners

Why did the Snowman want a divorce?
Because his wife was a total flake.”

Why did the Grinch hit up the liquor store?
He was desperate for some holiday spirit.”

Why doesn’t Santa have kids of his own?
He only comes once a year.”

What do three ho’s get you?
One very jolly Santa.”

Why does Santa always come through the chimney?
Because he knows better than to try the back door.”

What does The Grinch do with a baseball bat?
Hits a gnome and runs.”

Clean Christmas Jokes That Are Funny

Christmas Jokes Funny Clean

How do elves respond when Santa takes attendance?

What’s red and white and falls down chimneys?
“Santa Klutz!”

What is Santa’s primary language?
“North Polish.”

Why does Santa go down the chimney?
“Because it soots him!”

What is Santa’s favorite kind of candy?
“Jolly ranchers.”

What was Santa’s favorite subject in school?

Related: Funny Christmas One Liners Jokes | Clean

Why does Santa always enter through the chimney?
“Because it soots him.”

How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas?
“They use Santa-tizer.”

How do you know when Santa’s around?
“You can always sense his presents.”

How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm?
“His sleigh is flown by raindeer.”

What’s Santa Claus’s favorite type of potato chip?
“Crisp Pringles!”

What did the English teacher call Santa’s helpers?
“Subordinate Clauses.”

Which of Santa’s friends is the most chill?
“Jack Frost.”

Short Christmas Jokes Funny Edition

”Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” 

”It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.”

“It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.”

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” 

“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.”

Related: Short Christmas Jokes And Riddles

“You can’t fool me—there ain’t no Sanity Clause!” 

“Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.”

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.”

“Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.”

“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.”

Funniest Christmas Jokes

Where does Santa go when he’s sick?
“To the elf center!”

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
“Santa Jaws.”

What did Santa ask Rudolph about the weather?
Is it going to rain dear?!”

Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
“Elf-is Presley.”

What do fish sing at Christmas time?
“Christmas Corals!”

Related: Funny Early Christmas Jokes

What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ‘ribbet ribbet’?
“A Mistle-toad!”

How did Scrooge win the football game?
“The Ghost of Christmas passed.”

Did you hear about the man who stole an advent calendar?
“He got 25 days.”

What do you call an old snowman?

What did Frosty’s girlfriend give him when she was mad at him?
“The cold shoulder.”

Funny Christmas Dad Jokes

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
“Nothing, it was on the house!”

What do you call a broke Santa Claus?

What’s as big as a Christmas tree but is lighter than a feather?
“Its shadow.”

What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed?
“It started his own branch.”

How do Christmas trees get their email?
“They log-on.”

Related: Best Christmas Dad Jokes

Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve?
“He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.”

Which former president planted the most Christmas trees?
“Wood-row Wilson”

What do they sing to Christmas trees at their retirement parties?
“Fir he’s a jolly good fellow, fir he’s a jolly good fellow…”

What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
Santa walking backward!”

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
“A Christmas quacker.”

Christmas Funny Jokes Quotes

“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” 

“Christmas is such a carefree, low-pressure time—that’s one of the things I love about it.”

 “Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas.”

“We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” 

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” 

Related: Funny Christmas Quotes For Bright Spirits Until New Year

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” 

“Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” 

 “Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” 

 “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”

Share these funny Christmas jokes with your Christian and non-Christian friends, and let them enjoy too!

Moreover, check out these jokes, riddles, and memes on food, love, animal, and holiday to get more ideas to suit different moods and situations.

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