100 Funny Christmas One Liners Jokes | Clean | Movies | Vacation 2024

Spread tons of cheer and fun this holiday season with Christmas one liners.

Also, Christmas is the season of giving, so sharing these Christmas puns one liner with people you love makes more sense.

Below are clean jokes to write in the holiday cards or you can use flirty Christmas one liners as icebreakers for Christmas Eve dinner or party to start a conversation.

Pick your favorite funny Christmas one lines jokes or trivia to write on Christmas cards as well as Christmas Gifts. Enjoy!

Table of Contents

Funny Christmas One Liners For Adults 2024

“Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?”

“Hey Christmas Tree, you got a lot of balls coming in here dressed like that.”

“Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.”

“Shouldn’t you be on top of the tree, Angel?”

“STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.”

“Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.”

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

“According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.”

“Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said, “I don’t know about you but I can smell carrots!”

“If i was the Grinch, I wouldn’t steal Christmas. I’d steal you.”

“There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable…”

“My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It’s $100 on me and $500 on her.”

Related: Funny Christmas Quotes

“You are the reason Santa even has a naughty list.”

“I have this weird talent where I can identify what’s inside a wrapped present. It’s a gift.”

“Yo momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.”

Funny Christmas One Liners From Movies 2024

“You have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card.” Buddy

“Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” Buddy

“I am a cotton-headed ninny muggins!”

“He’s an angry elf.”

“Am I just eating because I’m bored?” The Grinch

“Son of a nutcracker!”

“Cheer up, dude. It’s Christmas.” The Grinch

“Think you might be overdoing it, Dad?” Rusty Griswold

“This isn’t charity. It’s family.” Clark Griswold

“Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more.” The Grinch

Related: Christmas Jokes And Puns

“I’m looking for corny in my life.” Iris Simpkins

Funny Christmas Pun One Liners For Adults 2024

“You came, you ate, now please just go HO HO Home.”

“Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you.”

“Santa’s lap isn’t the only place wishes come true.”

“No one wants a framed picture of your children as a gift.”

“Believe me if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows!”

“That’s not a candy cane in my pocket. I’m just glad to see you!”

“Is your name Jingle Bells, cause you look like you go all the way”

“I am one bottle of shower gel away from being able to open my own Christmas gift shop in my shower.”

“The main thing I want this holiday season is for someone to wake me when it’s over.”

“Tis the season to awkwardly walk by someone ringing a bell.”

Related: Dirty Christmas Jokes

“I’m releasing a holiday song called, “All I Want for Christmas is my Parents’ Freaking Wifi Password.”

“If you’ve seen one Santa, you’ve seen a mall.”

“His heart wasn’t the only thing that was 2 sizes too small.” Mrs. Grinch

“When I think about it, I touch my elf”

Clean Christmas One Liners 2024

“Let’s have a jingle ball tonight!”

“Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.”

“I’m Claus-trophobic.”

“Santa Claus’ favorite swimming spot is the North Pool.”

“You were heaven-santa”

“Have your elf a merry little Christmas.”

Christmas Tree Jokes One Liners 2024

“Hey Christmas Tree, you got a lot of balls coming in here dressed like that.”

“Just hanging with my ornaments.”

“Ornamentary, my dear Wattson.”

“The tree and I are getting lit this Christmas.”

“We have great chemis-tree.”

“We’re orna-meant to be”

“Your decorations look treemendous.”

Christmas Vacation One Liners 2024

“Looks great. Little full, lotta sap.” Clark Griswold

“Eat my rubber!” Clark Griswold

“Do you hear it? It’s a funny, squeaky sound!” Aunt Bethany

“Sh*tter’s full.” Cousin Eddie

“Hey kids, look! A deer!” Clark Griswold

“I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping.” Ellen Griswold

“Mom? This box is meowing.” Rusty Griswold

“Eat my road, Red Liver Lips!” Clark Griswold

“Bend over and I’ll show ya!” Clark Griswold

“You’re the last true family man.” Bill

“The little lights are not twinkling.” Grandpa Art

Christmas Card One Liners 2024

“At Christmas, all roads lead home.” Marjorie Holmes

“Decorate your Christmas with joy!”

“HO! HO! HOpe your holidays are filled with fun!”

“Christmas…hope yours is all about the merry!”

“Merry Kiss-mas!”

“Merry Christmas with all the trimmings!”

“Hope this season finds you all wrapped up in happy!”

“This Christmas, go easy on the Pepsi.”

“Life is short, eat the Christmas cookies.”

“This Christmas, I am the gift. You’re welcome.”

“Have a Meowy Christmas and a Happy Mew Year.”

“Let’s make this a December to remember.”

“May all your sweaters be ugly and bright!”

“Happy Holi-yays.”

“Sending wishes from afar… for now.”

One Liners Christmas Shopping Jokes 2024

Here are handpicked one liner Christmas shopping jokes to share during Christmas prep.

“As I lay beneath a sea of writhing bodies, urgent limbs exploring and grasping hungrily, I realized something. I hate Christmas shopping.”

“One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.” Grace Kriley

“Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.” Peg Bracken

“A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.”

“One of the nice things about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with a present.”

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”

“Christmas needs to be every five years and that’s it.”

“The Super Bowl is like Christmas shopping at Macy’s for bookies.”

“I decided not to buy new clothes this Christmas. Online shopping doesn’t count!”

I hope these funny Christmas one liners are useful to write suitable notes on Christmas or new year cards.

Moreover, you can check out these jokes, memes, and riddles on food, and animals to get you more ideas that suit different moods or situations.