Here are funny puns if you are looking for clean Christmas jokes and puns & riddles to share with kids and family members on Christmas eve.
Funny Clean Christmas Jokes And Riddles 2021
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
“A rebel without a Claus.”
Why does Scrooge love reindeer so much?
“Because every single buck is dear to him!”
What do you get if you cross santa with a duck?
“A Christmas quacker.”
Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
“They’re into all the wrapping.”
What nationality is Santa Claus?
How is Christmas exactly like your job?
“You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.”
What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
What’s the absolute best Christmas present?
“A broken drum—you can’t beat it!”
Australian Clean Christmas Jokes And Puns 2021
What goes “oh, oh, oh”?
“Santa walking backwards.”
What does one snowman say to the other?
“Do you smell carrots?”
What do you call Santa when he stops moving?
What do you call an old snowman?
What do you have in December that’s not in any other month?
“The letter D.”
What can you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
“Jungle Bells, Jungle Bells”
What’s the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
“A list of everything you want!”
What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
“Freeze a jolly good fellow!”
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
“He got 25 days!”
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
“A Christmas Quacker!”
Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Best Clean Christmas Cracker Jokes 2021
Why did Santa go to the doctor?
“Because of his bad “elf”!”
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
“Because he had a low “elf” esteem!”
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
“A Holly Davidson!”
What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
What did the sea Say to Santa?
“Nothing! It just waved!”
What does Santa do with fat elves?
“He sends them to an Elf Farm!”
Where does Santa go when he’s sick?
“To the elf center!”
What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
What is Santa’s favorite Railroad?
“The Santa Fe!”
Where do elves go to dance?
What do elves eat for breakfast?
“Frosted Flakes or Ice Crispies!”
What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling?
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
“A mince spy!”
How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?
“25 – there’s “no EL”!”
Why do cats take so long to wrap presents?
“They want them to be purr-fect!”
What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas Cake?
Why is everyone so thirsty at the north pole?
“No well, no well!”
What is the most competitive season?
When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
“In the dictionary!”
Clean Little Johnny Christmas Jokes 2021
Why was Little Johnny crying?
“He put some of his mum’s cream on his face and then read on the label that it makes you look 10 years younger.”
Teacher: Why are you praying in class little Johnny?
“Little Johnny: My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep.”
Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?
“Because I helped her.
But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?
I helped her eat her gummy bears.”
At school: Johnny, where’s your homework?
“Johnny: I’m very sorry, I don’t have it here.
Teacher: How come?
Johnny: I ate my exercise books.
Teacher: What?! Why would you do such a thing?!
Johnny: The dog refused to.”
So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?
“I don’t really want to talk about it mom. You’ll see it later on the news, anyways.”
Related: Corny Christmas Jokes, Puns, Riddles
Little Johnny goes to the zoo with his mom.
“Johnny: “Mom, look, there’s a finger in the shark tank! Mom? Mooooom???!!!”
Little Johnny comes home and his father sighs, “Alright, boy, out with your report card.
“Johnny says, I don’t have it, dad.
What? Why not?” asks his father.
I borrowed it to my friend. He wanted to freak out his parents.”
Little Johnny to his mom: “I shot 4 goals at the soccer match today!
“Mom: “Wonderful, looks like your team won, right?
Little Johnny: “Not really, we played 2:2.”
History teacher asks Little Johnny: Where was the French – English peace treaty from 1800 signed?
“Little Johnny: Bottom right corner.”
Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents’ bedroom one night. He stares for a minute and then, thoroughly disgusted, shakes his head, “And these people tell me I shouldn’t pick my nose?!”
Teacher: It’s the fourth time you’re late for school this week Johnny! Do you know what that means?!
“Little Johnny: That it’s Thursday, Miss Bramwell.”
Clean Christmas Jokes For Seniors 2021
Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
“His wife was a total flake.”
What’s Santa’s favorite snack food?
What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
“Anything you want. He can’t hear you!”
What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas?
“It’s finally Christmas, Eve!”
Related: Christmas Cracker Jokes
How do you know when Santa’s around?
“You can always sense his presents.”
What’s the best thing to put into Christmas dinner?
Clean Christian Christmas Jokes 2021
Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony
What is a skunk’s favorite Christmas song?
What’s red, white, and blue at Christmas time?
“A sad candy cane.”
Related: Savage Rude Christmas Jokes
Why are atoms Catholic?
“Because they have mass.”
What’s the most expensive Jewish wine?
“I wanna go to Florida!”
If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus is the lamb of God, does that mean Mary had a little lamb?
What if I told you….
“Jesus wasn’t born on Christmas”
Clean Christmas Tree Jokes 2021
How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
“He was hooked on trees his whole life.”
Why do Christmas trees like the past so much?
“Because the present’s beneath them.”
What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?
What do you get when you cross a pine cone and a polar bear?
“A fur tree!”
Clean Religious Christmas Jokes 2021
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
“Samson because he brought the house down.”
Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
Tonight’s sermon: ‘What is hell?’
“Come early and listen to our carol practice.”
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
“When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.”
Clean Christmas Humor Jokes 2021
What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
“Frosted Flakes or Ice Crispies.”
What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
Why is Santa kind of scared of chimneys?
“Because he’s so claus-trophobic.”
What do elves learn in school?
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
“He had no body to go with.”
What do you call a cat on the beach on Christmas Day?
What do you get when you deep fry Santa?
Why does Santa always enter through the chimney?
“Because it soots him.”
How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
What’s Santa’s favorite candy?
What do you call a snowman that can walk?
What do hip-hop artists do on Christmas?
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling?
I hope these clean Christmas jokes and puns for kids, family, seniors, or people in your communities are able to spread love and joy.