As we all know, cold weather humor is quite popular worldwide!
Hopefully, you’ll feel cozy by reading and sharing these cold jokes and puns.
Enjoy and happy winter!
Table of Contents
One-Liner Cold Jokes 2023
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
When are your eyes not eyes?
“When the winter wind makes them water!”
Why do bees stay in the hive during winter?
What do you call a snowman in July?
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
“My butcher is very rude
I asked him for a cut of pork and he gave me the cold shoulder”
“The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons…
I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.”
“Everyone worries about dying due to the cold because there is always the possibility that hell might freeze over too.”
“Cold is the worst robber ever because you can always catch it easily no matter what happens.”
Related: Best Winter Dad Jokes One Liners
What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
“One brushes coats and the other crushes boats!”
How do you stop getting cold feet in winter?
“You don’t go around brr-footed!”
“If you are in a freezing room and want to stay warm and comfortable, you should always stick to the corners because they are all 90 degrees.”
“If a spy catches a cold, it will be challenging to find them because they will go undercover.”
“Granny’s been staring through the window since it started snowing. If it gets any colder I’ll have to let her in!”
What happens when winter arrives?
“Snowmen don’t need scarves, idiots.”
“When it’s so cold that the cold makes your eyes water and they’re not eyes anymore.”
Dirty ‘It’s Cold Jokes’ 2023
What do you call an igloo without a toilet?
What’s the difference between you and the refrigerator?
“The refrigerator doesn’t moan when I put my meat in it”.
A man walks into a bar and says: ‘Give me something cold and full of gin.’
The bartender says: ‘You can take my wife.’
If you are chilly, go to the corner…
It’s 90 degrees.
The perfect system to avoid condom accident,
use double condom with chilly powder in between,
if outer breaks she will know ,
if inner breaks u will know.
What is a snowman’s least favorite yoga position?
“Downward-facing dog pee.”
Snowmen use what to make snow babies?
Why doesn’t Santa have kids of his own?
“He only comes once a year.”
Why did the Snowman want a divorce?
“Because his wife was a total flake.”
If you live in an igloo, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
Cold Jokes For Adults 2023
“I slept with my best mate’s wife last night and now I feel terrible.
She must have given me a cold or something.”
Where do snowmen go to donate their sperm?
Why are colds bad criminals?
“Because they’re easy to catch.”
“Recent study has revealed that masturbation might help curing the common cold.
Well I hope it is true because I haven’t got any more tissues left..”
“I like my women like I like my microwaves…
Cold on the outside, warm on the inside, and willing and able to kill any baby I put inside them.”
Why was the snowman so brave?
“Because he had big snow balls.”
Why are we only concerned about snowmen, not snowwomen?
“Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.”
Why did the lady snowman divorce her husband?
“She found out he was going to a snow blower.”
Related: Best Winter Jokes For Teachers
What do you get from sitting on the ice too long?
Why did the snowman’s daughter become a stripper?
“Because he was so cold to her.”
It’s So Cold Jokes 2023
“It was so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.”
“It was so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.”
“It was so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.”
“It’s so cold outside
I saw a politican with his hands in his own pockets.”
“It was so cold that Polar bears started to buy fur coats to keep themselves warm.”
“It was so cold that my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.”
What would you call a dollar that’s frozen because it is so cold outside?
“You would call it cold, hard cash.”
Related: Best Cold Weather Jokes And Riddles
“It was so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.”
“It was so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.”
“It was so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.”
“It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.”
“It was so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.”
“It was so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.”
“It was so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords)”
Cold Jokes For Kids 2023
Why did the girl put her record player in the snow?
“She only listens to cool music.”
What do you call a snowman’s kids?
How do you get ice to melt faster?
“Talk to it and get into a heated argument!”
Why did the girl keep her saxophone out in the snow?
“She wanted to play cool jazz.”
What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
How do you call your brother during the chilly winter?
“You call him brrrrrr-othe-rrrrr!”
What did the snowman say to the boy as a greeting in the cold weather?
“You have an ice day!”
What is the favorite breakfast of most children during winter?
“They will love to have a bowl of Ice Krispies!”
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
What did the teacher do with the student’s report on cheese?
“She grated it.”
Related: Dirty Winter Jokes For Adults
Did you hear about the kid who was hit in the head with a snowball?
“It knocked him out cold.”
Why do men give their jackets to women when it’s cold?
“Because it hurts to get blown by chattering teeth”
What do trees say after a long winter?
“What a re-leaf.”
What did the icy road say to the car?
“Want to go for a spin?”
What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
How did the snowman lose his head?
“Someone sat on his face.”
Why should you experiment with thin ice?
“Because it’s the best way to achieve a major breakthrough.”
Hot And Cold Jokes 2023
Why did the Cold War end?
“Global warming started.”
What’s the best self-defense against an angry snowman?
What is the only dessert you should have in the cold winter?
“You should have ice cream!”
Which runs faster, hot or cold?
“Hot, Everyone can catch a cold.”
What would the opposite of a cold front be?
“The opposite would probably be a warm back.”
How do mountains stay warm in winter?
“They wear snowcaps.”
What is the opposite of Hot Sauce?
Related: Best Winter Jokes For Kids
What’s cold, hot and chilly all at once?
What do you call a snowman in summer?
What do snowmen change into when it warms up?
How do you prevent a Summer cold?
“Catch it in the Winter!”
Why was the small pepper cold?
“It was a little chilly.”
“It was so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!”
“Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be just water.”
I hope these cold jokes and puns are fun enough to share with others and have a joyful time.