120+ Best December Puns, Jokes, & Riddles | Funny, Clean 2024

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Funny puns and jokes are always cheesy and can get anyone a good laugh in no time.

Therefore, here are the best December puns, jokes, and riddles that are extremely hilarious, stupid, and funny to get giggles instantly!

Whether you need December month puns for Instagram captions or jokes to share with others, everything is covered below.

Moreover, these December month puns include jokes on holidays, winter, Christmas, New Year, etc.

Take a look and pick your favorite December jokes and puns to get great laughs. Enjoy!

December Jokes Of The Day 2024

December Jokes Of The Day

What is Coleen Rooney’s favourite Christmas game?
“Guess Who.”

What pantomime is the government doing this year?
“Chris Whittington.”

Why does Jackie Weaver control the weather at Christmas?
“She has snow authority.”

Why will Keir Starmer be sad on Christmas morning?
“He’ll still have no presence.”

Which vaccine did the Three Wise Men have?
“The Wiser Jab.”

Why does Emma Raducanu get to carry the crystal glasses at Christmas dinner?
“They know she’s unlikely to drop a set.”

Why did Matt Hancock have to buy his aide really expensive Christmas presents?
“She had him up against a wall.”

Related: Winter Jokes For Kids

Why are we only having broccoli, cabbage, and peas as veg this Christmas?
“Because 52% of the family said no to Brussels.”

Why does Christmas scrabble take so long with Boris Johnson?
“He keeps going back on his word.”

Why can Netflix afford calamari at Christmas?
“They’re Squids in.”

How do you know the heating bill for December is too high?
“Dad won’t even let you open the windows on your advent calendar.”

Why didn’t Santa replace Comet and Cupid when they left to become HGV drivers?
“It was just two deer.”

Why did Rudolph’s nose have to self-isolate?
“It failed the lateral glow test.”

Which vaccine did Father Christmas get?
“Mince Pfizer.”

Which relative will not be at Chris Whitty’s Christmas dinner?
“Aunty Vaxxer.”

What’s Piers Morgan’s favorite Christmas song?
“Walking off on air.”

Why won’t Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Richard Branson see each other this Christmas?
“They all want space.”

Why is Christmas dinner vegan this year?
“Because Turkey is on the red list but vegetables are all green.”

Why are people cutting back on Brussels sprouts this Christmas?
“The cost of gas is too high.”

31st December Puns And Jokes 2024

31 December Puns And Jokes

“Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot”

“Christmas gifts will be delivered on January 8 this year instead of December 25
Santa has been asked to quarantine for 14 days.”

Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December: “Let’s have another round, shall we?”

What do cows do on December 31st?
“Celebrate Moo Years Eve of course!”

Funny December Jokes And Puns 2024

Funny December Puns And Jokes

Why did the couple get hitched on the 24 of December?
“So they could have a married Christmas”

What does December have that no other month does?
“The letter D.”

“Happy December 32nd!
Trump just filed a suit to officially make December four years long.”

What is United Kingdom’s top song for December 2018?
“All I want for Christmas is EU”

“Since it’s Destroy D*ck December,
We’re gonna have a really white Christmas.”

Related: Dirty Winter Jokes For Adults For Chill Adults 2021

What did the genetic engineer say on December 25th?
“Merry CRISPRmas!”

“The doctor has given me two months to live.
I’ve chosen August and December because I like summer but don’t want to miss Christmas.”

“Santa most definitely passed No Nut November
He only comes in December.”

What did Adam say to his girlfriend on December 24?
“It’s Christmas, Eve!”

Did you know December 23 is a holiday too?
“It’s Christmas Adam. Because Adam came before Eve.”

“December is the worst time of the year for someone who is…

What do truckers celebrate in December?
“The haul-idays.”

“Any military battle fought on December 25th…
Is a war on Christmas.”

Related: Cold Weather Jokes And Riddles

“My boss didn’t give me a single weekend off this December.
He’s a sleigh driver.”

“In December a couple had been on a date …
After pulling out a ring, he tells, “Merry Christmas!” Therefore she married Christmas after taking the ring.”

If November is “No Nut” November What Does That Make December?
“The cumming month?”

“Kids these days have no idea how good it was growing up in the 90s!
(born on December 31st, 1999)”

Clean December Jokes And Riddles 2024

Clean December Jokes

What do bees do in New York during December?
“Put on their yellow jacket.”

Which month is the best for sleepovers?

Why did the jazz musician play his trumpet outside during December?
“Because he liked cool music…”

What do you have in December that you can’t have in any other month?
“The letter D”

Related: Christmas Jokes And Puns

What can you catch in December with your eyes closed?
“A cold.”

How do New Yorkers farm during the month of December?
“With a snow plow.”

“Last December I had too much eggnog and ended up sleeping with a ghost.
I really got into the Christmas spirit.”

December Knock Knock Jokes 2024

December Knock Knock Jokes

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Icy who?
Icy you.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Snow who?
Snow real way of knowing.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Snow who?
Snow man named Frosty.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Snow who?
Snowbody home.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Snow who?
Snow business like show business like snow business I snow.

Related: Christmas Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Emma who?
Emma cold standing out here.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Guitar who?
Guitar jackets, we’re going out into the cold!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Aunt who?
Antartic is always wintery.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dewey who?
Dewey know how cold it is outside?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dishes who?
Dish is the coldest December ever.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Gladys who?
Gladys December. How about you?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Star who?
Star getting ready for the new year.

December Global Holidays Jokes 2024

Why is Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer so cold at Christmas?
“Because it’s in Decembrrrrr.”

What do cranberries say on December 25th?
“Cranberrrrrry Christmas!”

What does Rudolph run to every December morning up until Christmas?
“His Advent calen-deer.”

Why are there so many jokes on r/jokes in December?
“They are all Christmas cracker jokes.”

Puns With The Word December 2024

“A Day To December”

“A Walk To December”

“December Me”

“An Affair to December”

“A Moment to December”

“A Night to December”

December Puns For Instagram 2024

“Me, 11 months of the year: Slay. Me in December: Sleigh.”

“December isn’t over yet, but I already understand how the Grinch felt.”

“Make it a December to remember.”

“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”

“Your decorations look treemendous.”

“I’m elf-taught.”

“I love you from head to mistletoe.”

“It was love at frost sight.”

“If you don’t like my Christmas puns, you’re rude-olph.”

“Treat your elf.”

“There’s no place like gnome for the holidays.”

“I’m eggcited for eggnog.”

“You snow the deal.”

“I have the final sleigh.”

Whale you kiss me under the mistletoe?”

“It’s penguining to look a lot like Christmas.”

December Birthday Puns 2024

“There should be a tax on tinsel to cover therapy costs for all you damaged people with birthdays in December.”

“All I want this Christmas is for people to remember my December birthday.”

“Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!”

“What goes up but never comes down? Your age!”

“They say everything gets better with age.”

“You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.”

“For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.”

“This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?”

“More candles means a bigger wish!”

“You are aged to perfection.”

“Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.”

December Month Puns 2024

What did Adam say to Eve on December 31st and Jan 1st?
“Happy New Years Eve”

What happens to people who crack bad Christmas jokes?

Did you think that No Nut November was bad?
“Wait until No Net December.”

Yo mama so cold in December, she sweats helium”

What is Darth Vader’s favorite month?
“December. He’s felt your presents.”

Do you know who Russia’s 3 greatest generals are?
“December, January, and February.”

What did the genetic engineer say on December 25th?
“Merry CRISPRmas!”

What happens after December 25?
“Santa Close.”

What dessert does the Grinch eat in December?
“Heist cream!”

Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy in December?
“To help their elf esteem.”

I hope these funny December puns and jokes get you and others a good laugh.

Moreover, check out these jokes, memes, and riddles on food, animals, and love to get more ideas that suit different moods and situations.

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