Whether you are a person who loves dirty jokes or you are someone who denies like them but lies because you are here.
However, there’s no shame in laughing at a brilliant R-rated joke or sharing new dirty jokes with your friends.
Nothing can beat dirty jokes or adult jokes that get you laughing instantly no matter what a situation is in.
Laughter is the best medicine in real life but life can be very hard sometimes. To overcome all you need a little humor to get you through the day.
Look below and keep reading to find our favorite naughty funnies and jokes for adults. Enjoy!
Remarkably Hilarious Dirty Jokes For Adults 2022
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?
“I want you inside me.”
Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!
“She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.”
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the [email protected]
“The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.”
They say that during s*x you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous s*x drive.
“My girlfriend lives forty miles away.”
Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
“The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.”
What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?
“Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.”
A husband says to his wife, I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me happy and sad both at the same time.
“She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your p*nis is bigger than your brother’s.”
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?
“The boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.”
How do you make a pool table laugh?
“Tickle its balls.”
Why can’t you hear rabbits making love?
“Because they have cotton balls.”
If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
A n*ked man broke into a church.
“The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.”
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
“He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.”
Why did the sperm cross the road?
“Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.”
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An old woman walked into a dentist’s office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.
“The dentist said, “I think you have the wrong room.” “You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she replied. “Now you have to remove them.”
Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
“Because she outgrew her B-shells!”
What do you do when your cat’s dead?
“Play with the neighbor’s p*ssy instead.”
What is Moby Dick’s dad‘s name?
What did the leper say to the s*x worker?
“Keep the tip.”
What do you call the l*sbian version of a cock block?
“A beaver dam!”
What do a p*nis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
“The more you play with it, the harder it gets.”
What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls?
“A white Christmas!”
A man and a woman started to have s*x in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says,
“Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!” The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”
How is s*x like a game of bridge?
“If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.”
Extremely Dirty Jokes For Adults Only 2022
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing n*de. I personally am on the fence.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
“A Master Baiter.”
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
“The s*x is the same, but you get to use the remote.”
I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth, the woman told her dentist.
“He replied, Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
“To keep its nuts dry.”
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
“A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.”
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
What comes after 69?
A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office. The doctor walks in and says, “I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop m*sturb*ting.”
“I don’t understand, doc,” the patient says. “Why?” “Because,” the doctor says. “I’m trying to examine you.”
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
“A wet nose.”
How do you make your girlfriend scream during s*x?
“Call and tell her about it.”
What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?
What are the three shortest words in the English language?
“Is it in?”
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
“By becoming a ventriloquist.”
What’s the difference between your p*nis and a bonus check?
“Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.”
What’s the difference between an oral and a r*ctal thermometer?
What does one saggy B00B say to the other saggy B00B?
“If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a C0ND0M?
“C0ND0MS have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.”
What’s the difference between a G-SP0T and a golf ball?
“A guy will actually search for a golf ball!”
Why does it take 100 million sp*rm to fertilize one egg?
“Because they won’t stop to ask directions.”
What does the receptionist at a sp*rm bank say as clients leave?
“Thanks for coming!”
What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
What is six inches long, two inches wide, and makes everyone go crazy?
“A $100 bill.”
How do you spot a blind man on a noode beach?
“It’s not hard.”
What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?
“A man will actually press and pull a microwave’s buttons and knobs.”
What do you call a useless piece of skin on a p*nis?
What kind of bees make milk?
What do you do if your wife starts smoking?
“Slow down and use some lubricant.”
An old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed, but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, Why are you going to sleep on the floor?
”The old woman says, Because I want to feel something hard for a change.”
My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after s*x…
“I said I haven’t looked.”
What do you call a person who doesn’t m*sturbate?
S*x is like a burrito…
“Don’t unwrap or that baby’s in your lap.”
How did you quit smoking?
“I decided to smoke only after s*x.”
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
“Why are you shaking? She’s going to eat me!”
The other day I was so frustrated I yelled out, F*ck my life.
“The neighbor heard, “F*ck my wife.”
What did the p*nis say to the C0ND0M?
“Cover me, I’m going in.”
What’s the speed limit in bed?
“It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.”
What did the woman say when her boyfriend cried after s*x?
“I had you pegged for someone else.”
How is being in the military like getting a BJ?
“The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.”
Life is like a p*nis.
“Often hard for no reason!”
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
“The s*x drive.”
I tried phone s/x once…
“But the holes were too small.”
My bae told me that s/x is better on vacation.
“It wasn’t the best postcard I’ve ever received.”
Boyfriend: “Want a quickie?”
Girlfriend: “As opposed to what?”
A daughter asked her mother, Mom, how do you spell scrotum?
“Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night — it was on the tip of my tongue.”
A husband is supposed to make his wife’s [email protected] wet, not her eyes.
“A wife is supposed to make her husband’s d*ck hard, not his life.”
Dirty Puns & Short Jokes For Adults 2022
It’s f*cking intense (in-tents).
Lick me ’till ice cream.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
When should C0ND0MS be used?
“Every conceivable occasion.”
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
“Better hold onto your nuts; this is no ordinary blowjob”.
My friend met a male p*rn actor the other day.
“She told me he was really c*cky.”
It’s not that the man didn’t know how to juggle…
“He just didn’t have the balls to do it.”
That teabag was surprisingly better the second time around.
A pearl necklace would go well with that dress.
What are the best-selling Disney s*x toys?
“Woody and Buzz.”
What did Genie say to Aladdin?
“Rub me three times and I will come.”
What do V*agra and Disney Land have in common?
“They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.”
What did Cinderella say to her prince?
“Want to see if it fits?”
What did Nala say to Simba during s*x?
“Move fasta (Mufasa).”
🔞 Dirty jokes, don’t laugh challenge (video)
I hope you have found these dirty short jokes for adults funny enough to share with your friends.
Moreover, you can check out the best collection of dirty puns for ideas on hot and dirty jokes.