These clever one-liners, dad jokes, and different kinds of puns will make your New Year 2023 fun.
You, your kids, and all the family members together can enjoy these New Years jokes this holiday.
Moreover, these New Year jokes include corny, dirty, stupid, and kids friendly jokes for different situations.
Pick suitable jokes, memes, riddles, and trivia on new year’s eve including the church to share with friends and family.
Happy New Year..!!!
Table of Contents
New Years Eve Jokes
“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up for New Year’s. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”
What is a New Year’s resolution?
“My New Year’s resolution is to see my cup half-full, preferably with rum, gin, vodka, or moonshine.”
What do you use in the bathroom on Jan. 1 after No. 2?
“A New Year’s bidet.”
What do you call someone named Stephen on Dec. 31?
“New Year’s Steve!”
New Years Dad Jokes
What was the Amityville Priest’s resolution?
“To exorcise more.”
What does a field grow on Jan. 1?
“New Year’s hay.”
What did Che Guevara make on New Year’s Day?
“A New Year’s revolution.”
What does a jeweler do on Dec. 31?
“Ring in the New Year.”
Related: Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny
What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve?
“I haven’t seen you since last year!”
What was Dr. Frankenstein’s new year’s resolution?
“To make new friends.”
What does a ghost say on Dec. 31?
“Happy Boo Year!”
Funny New Years Jokes
What did the cheerleaders say on New Year’s Day?
“Happy New Cheer!”
Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve?
“Because it’s too far to walk.”
What do criminals pay on Jan. 1?
“New Year’s restitution.”
“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.”
Related: Best December Puns
“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.”
What’s the easiest way to keep your New Year’s resolution to read more?
“Watch TV with subtitles.”
One Liners New Year Jokes
Why did the woman start cracking up on New Year’s?
“She saw her husband’s resolutions!”
What was the optometrist’s favorite New Year’s celebration?
“ 2023.”
“I hate it when they drop the ball in Times Square. It reminds me of what I did all year!”
What does every New Year have in store for us?
“Another 365 days!”
Related: Best January Jokes
Why should you smooch an 8 on New Year’s?
“It leaves room for growth.”
What do New Year’s parades and Santa have in common?
“No one is ever awake to see them.”
New Year Riddles Jokes
Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve?
“It’s too far to walk.”
What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
“Pop!”
What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve?
“Chill out.”
Related: Best Winter Dad Jokes One Liners
Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
“To start off the new year in a cool way.”
What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
“Moo Year’s Eve.”
What do you say to your friends on New Year’s Eve?
“I haven’t seen you since last year.”
Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve?
“To ring in the new year.”
Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve?
“Times Square.”
What did the farmer give his wife on New Year’s Eve?
“Hogs and kisses.”
What do you call someone who says they know all the words to “Auld Lang Syne”?
“A liar.”
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
“He got 12 months!
New Year’s Jokes For Seniors
What did the cat say on New Year’s Eve?
“Meow.”
What happened when an iPhone and a firework were arrested on NYE?
“One was charged and the other was let off.”
What should you never eat on New Year’s Eve?
“Firecrackers.”
What is a New Year’s resolution?
“Something that goes in one year and out the other.”
What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
“The New Year’s Even clean-up crew.”
“I was going to quit all of my bad habits for the new year… But then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.”
What is a corn’s favorite holiday?
“New Ear’s Day.”
How come no one listens to New Year’s resolutions?
“They go in one year and out the other.”
Why should you stand on your left foot during the NYE countdown?
“So you can start the New Year on the right foot.”
Dirty New Years Jokes
“Hey baby, if you want to see some real fireworks… then follow me to the boom-boom room.”
“I don’t care about seeing this year’s ball drop, because the only things I want to see dropping are your pants.”
“Pardon me, I think I just saw my first mistake of 2023.. it’s you. Let’s get out of here.”
“If your New Year’s resolution was to have more luck, then I have good news for you. You’re about to get lucky.”
“My New Year’s resolution is to do more cardio. I’d like to start that with a ‘walk of shame’ home from your place tomorrow morning.”
Related: Dirty Winter Jokes For Adults
“This year, my resolution is to kiss you at midnight — and be banging you by 12:15.”
“Here’s to giving less f*cks in 2023— except to you, of course. Like, starting now.”
“There’s only one cork I want to pop more than a champagne bottle’s at midnight. Spoiler alert: It’s yours.”
“Happy New Year! Here’s to making better bad decisions in 2023 — starting with what I am about to do with you. Let’s go!”
New Year’s Jokes Puns
What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
“The ice falls out of your drinks!”
What’s the best New Year’s resolution?
“1080p.”
Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31?
“He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!”
Who gets the most excited about the New Year’s Eve countdown?
“Calendar companies.”
“Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve. December 31st.”
“They say New York has the best New Year’s Eve Party… I’d say it’s overrated — every year they drop the ball.”
“My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. But I will wait till tomorrow to start.”
“I’M BACK!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR, AMERICANS!!! Sincerely, Your Health Insurance Deductible”
How did Prince celebrate the new millennium?
“He partied like it was 1999.”
What does a dad say on New Year’s Eve?
“I promise I won’t tell any more dad jokes this year.”
Corny New Years Jokes
Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year’s Eve?
“Times Square.”
What food should you avoid on New Year’s?
“Firecrackers.”
What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?
“Social Security.”
What New Year’s resolution guarantees success?
“Making a resolution to break your resolution.”
Related: Corny Jokes To Make You Laugh
What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1?
“Turns over a new leaf.”
Why should you stand on just your left foot during the New Year’s Eve countdown?
“So you start the New Year on the right foot.”
What does a ghoul say on Dec. 31? “Happy New Fear!”
Stupid New Years Jokes
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby New Year.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cheese.
Cheese who?
For cheese a jolly good fellow.
Related: Pirate Jokes | Adults | Dirty
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Razor.
Razor who?
Razor glass and toast the New Year.
How come no one listens to New Year’s resolutions?
“They go in one year and out the other.”
Kid-Friendly New Years Jokes
Why did the woman start making breakfast at 11:59 p.m. on December 31?
“She wanted a New Year’s toast.”
What’s the difference between being young and old on New Year’s?
“When you’re young, you’re allowed to stay up till 12, old age is when you’re forced to.”
Which New Year’s resolution is always successful?
“A resolution to break a resolution.”
Related: Best Cold Jokes That Are As Cool As Ice
How can you keep a New Year’s resolution to read more while never opening a book?
“Watch TV with subtitles.”
Why is partying in Times Square overrated?
“The organizers drop the ball every year!”
Hope you had a good time reading these New Years jokes, share them with your near and dear ones.
Moreover, check out these jokes, riddles, trivia, and memes on food, love, animal, and holiday to get more ideas to suit different moods and situations.
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