80+ Vampire Puns Jokes | Adults | Dirty | Names | Food | Sims 2024

When searching for words to explain vampires this holiday season, what can be better than sucking blood.

This Halloween dresses up as a vampire, read our puns, share them with your friends, and create the perfect Vampire impression. 

Pick suitable vampire puns jokes, memes, and riddles on Halloween, and have a fun time with friends and family.

Dirty Vampire Puns

Dirty Vampire Puns

“Baby, you’re so beautiful, I’d take 1,000 bites just to get one kiss from you.”

“Hey big boy, I bet you can stay up all night.”

“Are those fangs or are you just happy to see me?”

Are you a ghost?
“Because you’ve been haunting my dreams.”

“Hey girl! Wanna go out for a bite.”

“I can make your heart beat again.”

“How would you like to be immortal for just one night?”

Related: Ghost Pun Jokes

“I can really suck the life out of you.”

“I love a girl with brains, but not in the zombie way.”

“I want to suck your blood… and your toes.”

“If I said you have a beautiful corpse, would you hold it against me?”

“If i was a vampire I’d bite you.”

“Is it true what they say about lady vampires? That they really know how to suck?”

“If your b**bs were a blood type it would be double A’s.”

“It’s almost midnight. I can’t wait to see what you turn into.”

“If you’re a vampire: I want to suck your blood. But I won’t. Edward and Bella made it work. Sorta.”

“Is that bloodlust I’m sensing — or just lust?”

Related: Pumpkin Jokes And Riddles

Is there anything human left in you?
“Would you like some?”

“Something’s wrong with my teeth. They keep thinking about your neck.”

“Is there room for two in your coffin?”

“One hour with me and you’ll be seeing THREE reflections in a mirror.”

“They say my blood is the sweetest. Wanna find out how the rest me tastes?”

“That’s a nice looking cape. It would look even nicer on the floor at the foot of my bed.”

Related: Best Vampire Puns, Jokes & Riddles

“It’s almost midnight. I can’t wait to see what you turn into.”

Vampire Puns Name

Vampire Puns Name

#Doctor Acula 

#Vampire X


#Nosferatu Zodd


#Crimson Gallows

#Lara Raith

#Life Drainer

#Screaming Ghost


#Vicious Vivisectionist

#Ghoulish Gasper

Related: Funny Trick And Treat Jokes

#Fangs of Doom


#Bloody Bloater

#Blood Sipper

#Fangful Feeder

#Cain Gravesend

#Tristan Hexdoom

#Shrieking Devil

#Violent Vampire

#Croaking Wyvern

#Dahlia Vampmoor

#Moaning Wailing

#Cackling Demon

#Hissing Banshee

#Sneering Zombie

Vampire Food Puns

Vampire Food Puns

What is a Vampire’s favorite food?

What is the baby vampire’s least favorite fast food establishment?
“Stake n shake!”

Why are vampires mad about their food proportions?
“Because they are bite sized”

Dracula is walking down a street in Transylvania when suddenly tons of sandwiches, mini sausage rolls, crisps, chicken wings and cocktail sausages fall on him…

Buried under all this food, his dying words were, “Oh no, it’s Buffet the Vampire Slayer!”

Related: Halloween Trivia

“A (very slightly) scientific dad-joke I just used on my long-suffering GF.”

So, my GF was watching True Blood. I had donated platelets today, which I do every month. The following exchange ensued:

Me: “I wonder do vampires like platelets?”
GF: “They probably consider it one of their main food groups. Like we would view amino acids.”
Me: “You’re a meano!” (she has to endure lot of shite like this.”
GF: “Well you’re acidic!”
Me: “What are you basing this on?”
GF: groan

“You can’t ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They’re way too busy looking for their necks victim.”

“A vampire can’t be a comedian. They just aren’t funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.”

“I met the child of a snowman and a vampire. He was suffering from a serious case of frostbite.”

“The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.”

“Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don’t think they’re funny, but it’s probably to do with them being pun-dead.”

“You are just my blood type.”

“I hope you have a fang-tastic Halloween!”

“The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.”

Related: Best Skeleton Puns Jokes

“One thing you won’t catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.”

“It totally sucks to be me.”

“If you want to kill a French vampire, you will need to stab him with a baguette. It’s pretty painstaking if you ask me.”

“I felt stupid dressing up on Halloween after I’d turned I thought people might say I was a little bit long on the tooth to still be pretending to be a vampire.”

“I’ve always been a little bit batty.”

Vampire Jokes For Adults

Vampire Jokes For Adults

“Your life would suck without me… oh wait it will suck with me.”

“You’re so sexy, you make me want to whip something out — and it’s not a crucifix.”

“Your eyes are like my skin, sparkles in the sun.”

“You have permission to enter me anytime.”

Related: Best Fall Jokes For Kids

“You’re like the sun you’re so hot you make my blood boil.”

“Want to find out what I turn into at midnight?”

“You’re so beautiful I think my heart just stopped. Wow it really did!”

“Will you turn into a bat for me? A long, hard one?”

“You sound English. I can show you a bloody good time.”

“You look dead sexy. Literally.”

“M a pain in the neck.”

Related: Funny Halloween Jokes For Adults | Kids

“So long, sucker.”

“It’s in my blood.”

“You make me batty.”

“I have met a vampire face to face who became a novelist.”

What cocktail a vampire likes the most?
“A Bloody Mary.”

“I have an account at the blood bank.”

Sims 4 Vampire Puns

Sims 4 Vampire Puns

What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
“A blood hound.”

I knew a vampire who became a poet.
“He went from bat to verse.”

Where do vampires keep their money?
“In the blood bank.”

What do you get if you cross a vampire with a laptop?
“Love at first byte.”

I used to work with a vampire.
“They were a real pain in the neck.”

Related: Halloween Dad Jokes

Why do vampires need cold medicine?
“For their coffin.”

“Last Halloween, I went to a party dressed as Dracula and ate all the food.”

“I was Vampire the Buffet Slayer.”

What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
“Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.”

What do vampires eat for breakfast?
“Ready Neck.”

What’s a vampire’s favorite type of soup?
“Scream of tomato.”

Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
“Because they always like to draw blood.”

I hope these puns are funny enough for you, your friends, and your Halloween party. 

If you want to check more, go through our Halloween Puns Series (Link).

Moreover, check out these riddles, and memes on food, love, animal, and holiday to get more ideas to suit different moods and situations.

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