What did one US flag say to the other?

“Nothing, It just waved!”

What do you eat on July 5th?

“Independence  Day-Old-Pizza”

Do they have a 4th of July in England?

“Yes. That’s how they get from the 3rd to the 5th.”

What American holiday can you never trust?

“The 4th of Ju–LIE!”

What was General Washington’s favorite tree?

“The  Infan-Tree”

Why were the first Americans like ants?

“They lived in colonies.”