Why are social media influencers afraid when they go to the woods alone at night?

They're constantly being followed.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? 

Breathe, damn it! Breathe!

I hate Russian dolls.

They're so full of themselves.

I went on a  once-in-a-lifetime vacation.

Never again.

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That's just how I roll.

What do you call a dangerous sun shower?

A rain of terror!

My dad's answer to everything is alcohol. 

He doesn't drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles.

I used to hate facial hair but then

It grew on me.

What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?


I watched hockey before it was cool.

They were basically swimming.

There's no hole in your shoe?

Then how'd you get your foot in it?