Are you looking for vampire puns or jokes that are scary and funny?
Here we have compiled the most amazing vampire puns and jokes that will make you laugh as well as others with whom you share.
These puns are about vampires in general, and vampiric pop culture references like Buffy and Twilight as well.
I have included funny, dirty, vampire dad jokes and fang puns, memes, and riddles to share with friends over text or WhatsApp.
Moreover, whether you enjoy their creepy, gothic roots, vampire name puns or dirty vampire jokes, etc. we have everything covered here.
Table of Contents
Funny Vampire Puns, Jokes & Riddles 2023
Here are vampire jokes and puns for asking riddles related to vampires. Pick suitable vampire jokes for kids, post an Instagram status, or any other social media.
My son asked me, Are vampires real?
“I said: No, unless you Count Dracula.”
Did you hear about the vampire with a doctorate?
“His name was Dr. Acula.”
What vampire raps about his enemies?
Ever wonder why there are a bunch of stories about vampires in Europe but not Africa?
“It’s because they bless the rains down in Africa.”
Why do vampires seem sick?
“They’re always coffin.”
Are vampires considered undead?
“If so, aren’t higher ranked vampires technically Neck Romancers?”
Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
“Because she had bad blood.”
Why are vampires afraid of cows?
“They’re made of steaks.”
Why don’t vampires feel bad about the foul things they do?
“They’re incapable of reflection.”
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If you kill a werewolf with silver bullets, how do you kill a vampire?
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire ?
What do redneck vampires drink ?
Why don’t vampires like to smoke?
“They always end up coffin.”
What does a vampire say when he catches someone?
“You’re my neck-st victim.”
What’s a vampire’s favorite ice-cream flavor?
What do you call an insane vampire?
What is a vampire’s least favorite type of restaurant?
“A stake house.”
Why can’t you trust a vampire?
“They always have arterial motives.”
What city do vampires hate most?
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
“A blood hound.”
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a laptop?
“Love at first byte.”
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What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
“A Bloody Mary.”
Where do vampires keep their money?
“In the blood bank.”
Why did the vampire break up with her boyfriend?
“Because he wasn’t her type.”
Did you hear about the vampire who tortured his victims with music?
“His Bach was worse than his bite.”
How do vampires travel across the sea?
“On blood vessels.”
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
“Because blood is thicker than water.”
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
“For their coffin.”
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
“Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.”
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of soup?
“Scream of tomato.”
What do vampires eat for breakfast?
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Why does no-one like vampires?
“Because they’re real pains in the neck.”
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Where do vampires eat their lunch?
“At the casketeria.”
Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
“Because they always like to draw blood.”
What’s a vampire’s least favorite song?
“Another One Bites The Dust.”
What do you call a foolish vampire?
“A silly sucker.”
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
“A blood orange.”
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
“The Vampire State Building.”
Why are vampires like false teeth?
“They come out at night.”
Why did the vampire keep acting batty?
“It was in his blood.”
Who plays striker for the vampire soccer team?
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
“Lots of blood tests.”
What cheese do vampires eat?
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Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart?
“He had loved in vein.”
Why do vampires chew gum?
“Because they have bat breath.”
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
“A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.”
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Why do vampires eat lentils?
“Because they are so into pulses.”
How does a vampire enter his house?
“Through the bat flap.”
What do you call a communist vampire?
“A red blood count.”
What do you call a criminal vampire?
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang.
“He just had to grin and bare it.”
One Liners Vampire Puns For Instagram 2023
These vampire puns one liner for captions get you more likes than longer captions on Instagram. Enjoy!
“On reflection, vampires aren’t that scary.”
“Blind as a bat.”
“Bat out of hell.”
“If vampires have no reflection, how do they do their hair?”
“A vampire split up with his girlfriend after she had a blood test. She wasn’t his type.”
“I know an elderly vampire. He’s quite long in the tooth.”
“To kill a French vampire, you need to stick a baguette through his heart. It’s painstaking.”
“I knew a vampire who gave up acting because he couldn’t find a role he could get his teeth in to.”
“Went to a Halloween fancy dress party dressed as Dracula and ate all the food. I was Vampire the Buffet Slayer.”
“One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.”
“The reason that Dracula has no friends is because he’s a pain in the neck.”
“Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.”
“The local vampire social club is constantly gritting bigger. They’re always looking for new blood.”
“Apparently vampires drink blood because coffee keep them awake all day.”
“My sister-in-law accidentally won a beauty pageant for vampire hunters. She’s the new Miss Stake.”
“Imagine if vampires had blunt teeth and couldn’t bite you. They would just suck.”
“Only way to kill a French vampire is to stab it in its heart with a baguette. But the whole damn process is painstaking.”
“A recent poll has shown that vampires are actually vegetarian. They all hate stakes.”
Punny Vampire Puns And Vampire Jokes 2023
Though these are vampire puns in general we have also included some witch puns, and future we’ll post Halloween puns, magic puns, and other monster entries soon. Enjoy!
Byte/Bite: “Megabite and Gigabite.”
Thanks/Fangs: “Accept with fangs.”
Feng shui/Fang shui: “Fang shui will not solve your problems.”
Coughing/Coffin: “I can’t stop coffin!”
Bright/Bite: “Always look on the bite side of life.”
F#ck/Suck: “Cluster suck and Suck my life.”
Sick/Suck: “Enough to make you suck.”
Oven/Coven: “Bun in the coven.”
Vain/Vein: “All in vein.”
Ted/Dead: “Deaddy bear.”
Dad/Dead: “Sugar dead-y.”
Course/Corpse: “But of corpse.”
Cloud/Shroud: “Every dark shroud has a silver lining.”
Buffet/Buffy: “All you can eat buffy.”
Light/Twilight: “Come on baby, Twilight my fire.”
Stoke/Stoker: “I’m stoker-ed to see you,
Hopefully, you were able to find the needed vampire puns to share with your friends and others.
Thanks for visiting Puns.Best!