200+ Nut Puns & Jokes That Walnut Disappoint | Dirty, Funny | 2022

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You can never go wrong with super funny Nut jokes any time of year and they are the most liked and popular during the winter holidays.

In a nutshell, these funny and clever lines on nuts make them fun to share with others depending on any situation or mood effortlessly.

Here are the best nut puns and dirty jokes to share with adults, and kids to have a fun time.

Have a look and pick the suitabledirty jokes on nuts to share with others and many more different types of nuts puns.

For more laughs take a look at these food jokes or these animal puns.

Cute Nut Puns, Jokes & Riddles 2022

deez nuts jokes

What did the nut say to the other nut when he was chasing him?
“Imma cashew”

Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
“To go with the traffic jam!”

Two nuts chilling on a tree, one slipped and started to fall…
“… The other one said “don’t worry bro, imma Cashew”

I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”

Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”

What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”

Related: Dirty Jokes To Say To Your Girlfriend

When you’re trying to find a guy with ticklish nuts
“It takes a lot of test tickles”

Santa most definitely passed No Nut November
“He only comes in December.”

Top Clean Nut Jokes 2022

deez nuts memes

Hello, there, my guy. I have a bunch of pokemon cards. Wanna check these out?
“Yeah, I would love that, thanks Okay, take a look at Deez Nutz.”

Roses are red, your eye will be blue, unless you allow me to place Deez nuts deep inside you.

Hey pal, I heard that you are Dee’s friend.
“Who’s Dee? Deez Nuts!”

You: teacher, what’s 4 x 2?
“Teacher: eight You: eight Deez Nuts”

Do you want me to buy one of these?
“Yeah sure How about two of Deez Nuts.”

I’m sorry that Suko never called you back
“Who is Suko? Sukon Deez Nuts”

Where’s your munyayo?
“Huh? What’s that? Deez Nuts”

Hey bro, I need some of these.
“Some of what? Soma Deez Nuts”

Do you like tulips?
“Yes, why?
Cus you’re gonna love your two lips on Deez Nuts!”

Honey, why are you leaving them here?
“Leaving what?
Leaving Deez nuts in your mouth!”

nut puns

Who named their daughter Macadamia?
“A couple of nuts.”

Which nut is worth the most?
“Cash-ew.”

What kind of nut was on the moon?
“An astronut.”

How do you catch an elephant?
“Act like a peanut!”

What competition do nuts participate in?
“The peanut butter cup.”

Related: Dirty Jokes For A Girl To Tell A Guy

How do you catch a squirrel?
“Climb a tree and act like a nut.”

Which type of nut is stored with treasure?
“Chest nuts.

Which nut always makes a big entrance at parties?
“MacaDRAMAia nuts.”

Which nut comes in cans?
“Creamed aCorn”

How do nuts have fun during the summer?
“They go to acorn-ival.”

What do squirrels eat at state fairs?
“Acorn Dog.”

Best Knock Knock Nut Jokes 2022

nut jokes

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
It’s your boy Dee, open up!
Dee, who?
Deez nuts!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there.
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut, butter open the door!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there.
Cashew.
Cashew who?
Bless you!

Salty Nut Jokes Riddles 2022

Salty Nut Jokes

What do you call fish that taste two times as salty?
2Na

Do you like dry, salty peanuts in your mouth?
“I sure do. With ketchup.”
“What are you, a g*y starfish?!”

What did the cookie say to the cracker?
“You feeling salty bro?”

Funny Walnut Jokes & Puns 2022

Here are some great walnut jokes that are dirty as well as cute to share with others.

deez nuts jokes
Funny Your Secret Insta Caption

“Your secret is safe with me. I walnut give it away.”

What do you call a nut that’s also a majestic sea creature?
“A Nar-walnut.

What would the hanging nuts be called?
“Walnuts.”

“I will start my journey today and I walnut fail.”

“If I hang this on the wall, is it called a walnut?”

deez nuts jokes
Question Answer Nut Puns

“The pecan and the walnut are good friends because they are both nuts.”

“I walnut forget your birthday, that’s for sure.”

What do you call a walnut that likes to exercise?
“A health nut.”

“You walnut regret snacking on peanuts.”

“I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.”

More Funny Jokes About Nut On Cashew & Almond 2022

deez nuts jokes
Cashew Captions For Instagram

Cashew a question?
“Nut now!”

What did the squirrel say when it left?
“I will start my journey today and I wal-nut fail!

What do you call a nut that likes chess?
“A chess-nut.”

What happens to a peanut when it goes to space?
“It becomes an astro-nut.”

What will Hamlet say if he was a squirrel?
“To be or nut to be!

What happens to a nut when it is nervous?
“It cracks.

deez nuts jokes
Funny London Instagram Caption

Where do nuts live in West London?
“In Nut-tinghill.

What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.

What did the nut say after being thrown in the oven?
“Almond fire!

Have you seen how they milk an almond?
“It’s just nuts!

Marzipan Puns For Caption
Marzipan Nuts Puns For Caption

What’s yellow, smells of almonds and swings from cake to cake?
“Tarzipan.”

What was said by the wind to the palm tree?
“Protect your nuts this is no common blow task.”

Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”

What was said by the wire to the electrician?
“Don’t twist my nuts.”

What was said by the car driver to the nut?
“Where is your home?”

What was said by one nut to another nut?
“Help.”

What sound is made by a nut when the nut sneezes?
“Cashew.”

Cashew Nut Riddle
Cashew Nut Insta Caption

What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”

What was said by the pedophile to the nutcracker?
“You are too young to be performing that.”

What type of number doesn’t like nuts?
“17.”

Why didn’t Adolf Hitler hate nuts?
“Because he didn’t have two.”

What sound is made by a nut when it comes active ?
Christmas.”

What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”

What type of nut doesn’t like baseball?
“A sick nut.”

Why do vegetarians give good head?
“Beause they’re used to eating nuts.”

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? “
“Well beer nuts are 49 cents but deer nuts are just under a buck.”

Wheelchair Nut Jokes Riddles
Wheelchair Nut Caption

What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”

What do squats eat?
“Numbers.”

How do you get a squirrel to like you?
“Act like a nut.”

What kind of tree fits into your hand?
“A palm tree”

What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”

What is a nut that is in outer space?
“A broken nut”

Funny One Liner Nut Jokes & Puns For Clever Mind 2022

These are the best one-line nut puns for Instagram captions to post funny pics or selfies with matching captions. Improvise or modify and enjoy these nutcracker jokes.

Funny Nut Jokes & Puns
Funny Peanuts Captions

“Mixed nuts are just cashews with obstacles.”

“Cashew see I’m nuts about you?”

“Hurry up, you better put your ca-shews on!”

“I must be rich because I have all the cash-ews.”

Funny See You Later Nut Jokes
Funny See You Later Caption

“I’ll cashew later!”

“I tried to come up with a squirrel pun but everything I thought of was nuts.”

“You pe-can do it!”

“The squirrel realized it was nuts when it was told you are what you eat.”

“Don’t look! I can see you pecan through the window.”

Funny No Pain No Gain Nut Jokes Puns
Funny No Pain No Gain Captions

“No pine no gain!”

“The progress of the waiting line was pine-fully slow.”

“If you don’t like my jokes, I guess I’m acorn-y.”

“I want to tell you a peanut butter pun but you might spread it around.”

“Nut-thing lasts forever, except my love for you!”

“Nut that it matters, but I have some nuts for you.”

“I will nut tella anyone about our secret stash of nuts.”

“A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.”

“The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.”

Silly Nut Puns
Funny Acting Silly Nut Puns

“If I’m acting silly, I guess I’m acting like a nut.”

“You could say that our family is like fudge. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts!”

“This is nut so solid. It’s peanut brittle.”

“I must nut eat all the almonds!”

“If you put ice cream on that nutty brownie, it becomes ala-mond.”

“The covered almond looked at the mirror, and it said, that’s me in a nutshell.”

“Don’t panic, stay c-almond and collected.”

“The bare almond looked at its picture with clothes, and said, that’s me in a nutshell!”

“I love almond milk because it’s not like any udder milk.”

“Truck drivers who haul almonds are driving me nuts!”

“As alike as two peanuts in a pod.”

What did one Nut say to the other?
“We’re groin apart.”

My friend with one nut lost his v*rginity in a 3-some.
“That was 2 birds with 1 stone.”

A recent finding by a statistician shows that the average American
“Has one br*ast and one nut.”

I always assumed you nutless. Congrats!

When you hear something so funny…you lose a nut!

Smart Nut Puns Pick Up Lines 2022

If you looking for smart jokes about nuts that rhyme with nut or nut-related wordplay nut joke and puns. Enjoy!

Funny Not At All Nut Puns
Funny Not At All Captions

Not/Nut: “Nut at all”

Knot/Nut: “Don’t get your knickers in a nut”

Pea/Peanut: “Easy as shelling peanuts.”

Nut/Chestnut: “As sweet as a chestnut”

Catch you/Cashew: “Careful, you don’t want them to cashew!”

Cash you/Cashew: “I’ll cashew in.”

Shoes/Cashews: “Kick off your cashews.”

Peeking/Pecan: “Pecan out through the window.”

Piquing/Pecan: “It’s pecan my curiosity.”

Well, not/Walnut: “Walnut like that”

Walnut Jokes
Inspiring Wal-Nut Joke

Will not/Walnut: “I walnut.”

Candle/Candlenut: “Can’t hold a candlenut to”

Calm/Palm: “Palm down”

Better/Betel: “I feel betel now”

Butter/Butternut: “Bread and butternut”

Heart/Heartnut: “A man after my own heartnut”

Sell/Shell: “How many do we have left to shell?”

Hell/Shell: “The party last night was a shell of a time.”

Can all/Kernel: “You kernel get lost.”

Roar/Raw: “A rawing trade”

Rest/Roast: “At roast.”

Arrest/A roast: “You are under a roast.”

Extremely Dirty Nut Jokes Puns 2022

These are the best dirty nut jokes and puns that are NSFW you can share or try with your friends and love interest.

What did one saggy b00b say to the other?
“If we don’t get some support soon people will think that we’re nuts!”

Male bees die after mating. That’s basically their entire lives.
“Honey. Nut. Cheerio.”

10% of European babies are conceived on an IKEA bed.
“So, be sure to follow the instructions. Put Peg A into Slot B, and then screw until the nuts tighten.”

I’m sad to report I have a bad nut allergy
“Every time I eat one, I let out a little cashew”

I walked into a store and noticed they were selling deer nuts for $1.25
“Every other time I’ve seen them, they were under a buck.”

If November is “No Nut” November What Does That Make December?
“The cumming month?”

What kind of Nuts urinates?
“A peanut.”

What do you call a robots one night stand?
“A nut and bolt”

Truck nuts. The balls are on the outside…
“But the d#ck is on the inside.”

Why did the squirrel swim on it’s back?
“To keep his nuts dry”

A n*ked man walks into a psychiatrists office.
“The psychiatrist says to the n*ked man, “I can clearly see your nuts”.”

My left nut thinks it’s better than my right nut.
“He can be egotesticle.”

Man, if you thought No Nut November was bad…
“Wait until No Net December.”

Why do vegetarians give good head?
“Beause they’re used to eating nuts.”

What did the hurricane say to the coco-nut tree?
“Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary bl*wjob.”

Who’s the most popular guy at the n*dist colony?
“The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.”

Why do Chip ‘N Dale sit on their butts all day?
“To keep their nuts dry.”

Roses are red, your eye will be blue, unless you allow me to place Deez nuts deep inside you.

Nut Jokes NSFW 2022

I don’t get what’s so hard about No Nut November.
“It’s the 3rd day and I haven’t eaten any nuts yet. I just distract myself by constantly master-bating all day.”

What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
“Beer nuts are always over a dollar, whereas deer nuts are always under a buck.”

I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his nut sack with a straight razor?
“He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn’t got the balls to try it again.”

Post nut clarity can be devastating.
“It’s like cumming to your senses”

Related: 85+ Dirty Jokes For Adults That Are Actually Funny 2022

Why did Mr. Peanut divorce his wife?
“Because she was f#king nuts.”

My left nut thinks it’s better than my right nut.
“He can be egot*sticle.”

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
“Better hold onto your nuts; this is no ordinary BJ.”

Why does Chip ‘N Dale sit on their butts all day?
“To keep their nuts dry.”

Why do vegetarians give good head?
“Because they’re used to eating nuts.”

Hopefully, these nut puns & jokes are nutty and crackly, however, for more funny joke ideas, you try these girlfriend jokes, love puns.

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