To kick off the new year with a smile, ring in 2023 with these humorous New Year’s jokes.
Enjoy. Happy New Year..!!!
Table of Contents
One Liner New Years Eve Jokes
What was the Amityville Priest’s resolution?
“To exorcise more.”
What does a field grow on Jan. 1?
“New Year’s hay.”
What did Che Guevara make on New Year’s Day?
“A New Year’s revolution.”
Why did the woman start cracking up on New Year’s?
“She saw her husband’s resolutions!”
What was the optometrist’s favorite New Year’s celebration?
“I hate it when they drop the ball in Times Square. It reminds me of what I did all year!”
What does every New Year have in store for us?
“Another 365 days!”
Why should you smooch an 8 on New Year’s?
“It leaves room for growth.”
Related: NSFW Dirty New Years Jokes
What do New Year’s parades and Santa have in common?
“No one is ever awake to see them.”
What does a jeweler do on Dec. 31?
“Ring in the New Year.”
What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve?
“I haven’t seen you since last year!”
What was Dr. Frankenstein’s new year’s resolution?
“To make new friends.”
New Year Riddle Jokes
What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
“Moo Year’s Eve.”
What do you say to your friends on New Year’s Eve?
“I haven’t seen you since last year.”
Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve?
“It’s too far to walk.”
What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve?
Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
“To start off the new year in a cool way.”
Related: New Years Eve Trivia
Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve?
“To ring in the new year.”
Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve?
What did the farmer give his wife on New Year’s Eve?
“Hogs and kisses.”
What do you call someone who says they know all the words to “Auld Lang Syne”?
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
“He got 12 months!
New Year’s Eve Jokes For Adults
“There’s only one cork I want to pop more than a champagne bottle’s at midnight. Spoiler alert: It’s yours.”
“Happy New Year! Here’s to making better bad decisions in 2023 — starting with what I am about to do with you. Let’s go!”
“Hey baby, if you want to see some real fireworks… then follow me to the boom-boom room.”
“I don’t care about seeing this year’s ball drop, because the only things I want to see dropping are your pants.”
“Pardon me, I think I just saw my first mistake of 2023.. it’s you. Let’s get out of here.”
“If your New Year’s resolution was to have more luck, then I have good news for you. You’re about to get lucky.”
Related: New Years Jokes
“My New Year’s resolution is to do more cardio. I’d like to start that with a ‘walk of shame’ home from your place tomorrow morning.”
“This year, my resolution is to kiss you at midnight — and be banging you by 12:15.”
“Here’s to giving less f*cks in 2023— except to you, of course. Like, starting now.”
New Year’s Eve Puns
Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year’s Eve?
What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
“The ice falls out of your drinks!”
What’s the best New Year’s resolution?
Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31?
“He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!”
Who gets the most excited about the New Year’s Eve countdown?
Related: New Years Dad Jokes
“Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve. December 31st.”
“They say New York has the best New Year’s Eve Party… I’d say it’s overrated — every year they drop the ball.”
What food should you avoid on New Year’s?
What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?
What New Year’s resolution guarantees success?
“Making a resolution to break your resolution.”
What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1?
“Turns over a new leaf.”
Why should you stand on just your left foot during the New Year’s Eve countdown?
“So you start the New Year on the right foot.”
What does a ghoul say on Dec. 31?
“Happy New Fear!”
Related: Best Winter Dad Jokes One Liners
“My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. But I will wait till tomorrow to start.”
“I’M BACK!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR, AMERICANS!!! Sincerely, Your Health Insurance Deductible”
How did Prince celebrate the new millennium?
“He partied like it was 1999.”
What does a dad say on New Year’s Eve?
“I promise I won’t tell any more dad jokes this year.”
New Year’s Eve Work Jokes
What is a corn’s favorite holiday?
“New Ear’s Day.”
How come no one listens to New Year’s resolutions?
“They go in one year and out the other.”
Why should you stand on your left foot during the NYE countdown?
“So you can start the New Year on the right foot.”
What did the cat say on New Year’s Eve?
What happened when an iPhone and a firework were arrested on NYE?
“One was charged and the other was let off.”
What should you never eat on New Year’s Eve?
What is a New Year’s resolution?
“Something that goes in one year and out the other.”
What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
“The New Year’s Even clean-up crew.”
“I was going to quit all of my bad habits for the new year… But then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.”
Share it with your friends and family as well, to have fun!