We’ve included some of the funniest dirty jokes below.
Hopefully, these dirty jokes will help you send crazy New Year’s wishes to friends or start a conversation this holiday season.
Pick suitable Nsfw dirty New Years jokes and have a fun time with friends and others around the new year.
We hope you will enjoy them to the fullest. Happy new year.
Table of Contents
Dirty New Years Eve Jokes
Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve?
“It’s too far to walk.”
What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
“Pop!”
What do you say to your friends on New Year’s Eve?
“I haven’t seen you since last year.”
What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1?
“Turns over a new leaf.”
What was Che Guevara’s New Year’s resolution?
“A New Year’s revolution.”
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What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make?
“To travel more.”
What’s the easiest way to keep your New Year’s resolution to read more?
“Watch TV with subtitles.”
What does a ghoul say on Dec. 31?
“Happy New Fear!”
What did Adam say to Eve on Dec. 31?
“It’s Christmas, Eve.”
Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve?
“To ring in the new year.”
Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve?
“Times Square.”
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
“He got 12 months!”
What did the cat say on New Year’s Eve?
“Meow.”
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What happened when an iPhone and a firework were arrested on NYE?
“One was charged and the other was let off.”
What should you never eat on New Year’s Eve?
“Firecrackers.”
What is a New Year’s resolution?
“Something that goes in one year and out the other.”
What does a ghost say on January 1st?
“Happy Boo Year!”
What did the farmer give his wife on New Year’s Eve?
“Hogs and kisses.”
What do you call someone who says they know all the words to “Auld Lang Syne”?
“A liar.”
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What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve?
“Chill out.”
Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
“To start off the new year in a cool way.”
What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
“Moo Year’s Eve.”
What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
“You’ll spill your punch all over.”
What did the cheerleaders say on New Year’s Day?
“Happy New Cheer!”
What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
“The New Year’s Even clean-up crew.”
“I was going to quit all of my bad habits for the new year… But then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.”
“I love when they drop the ball in Times Square… It’s such a nice reminder of what I did all year.”
Dirty Happy New Year Jokes
What is a corn’s favorite holiday?
New Ear’s Day.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby New Year.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Cheese.
Cheese who?
For cheese a jolly good fellow.
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Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Razor.
Razor who?
Razor glass and toast the New Year.
“My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. But I will wait till tomorrow to start.”
“I’M BACK!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR, AMERICANS!!! Sincerely, Your Health Insurance Deductible”
How did Prince celebrate the new millennium?
“He partied like it was 1999.”
What does a dad say on New Year’s Eve?
“I promise I won’t tell any more dad jokes this year.”
Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve?
“Waiting for the punchline.”
What does a field grow on Jan. 1?
“New Year’s hay.”
What do you call someone named Stephen on Dec. 31?
“New Year’s Steve.”
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What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
“The ice falls out of your drinks!”
What’s the best New Year’s resolution?
“1080p.”
Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31?
“He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!”
Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year’s Eve?
“Because 9, 8, 7….”
What New Year’s resolution guarantees success?
“Making a resolution to break your resolution.”
“I’m not buying a 2022 calendar until I see the trailer.”
What do New Year’s parades have in common with Santa Claus?
“No one is ever awake to see them.”
“Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year’s Eve. There was a count down.”
“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”
What was the Amityville priest’s New Year’s resolution?
“To exorcise more.”
Who gets the most excited about the New Year’s Eve countdown?
“Calendar companies.”
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“Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve. December 31st.”
“They say New York has the best New Year’s Eve Party… I’d say it’s overrated — every year they drop the ball.”
How come no one listens to New Year’s resolutions?
“They go in one year and out the other.
What do you use in the bathroom on Jan. 1 after No. 2?
“A New Year’s bidet.
Why should you stand on your left foot during the NYE countdown?
“So you can start the New Year on the right foot.
What do cows celebrate on December 31st?
“Moo Years Eve.”
If you want you can share these NSFW dirty new years jokes with your other friends as well.
Moreover, check out these jokes, riddles, and memes on food, love, animal, and holiday to get more ideas to suit different moods and situations.
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