70+ Funny New Years Jokes | Eve Puns | Things To Say | Resolution 2024

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Laughter is the best way to start the new year.

We compiled the funniest jokes to make families laugh on New Year’s Eve as the ball drops.

These jokes, which range from knock knocks to puns and riddles, are suitable for kids of all ages.

Be ready for several chuckles—and perhaps even a few hearty bellies laughs.

Pick suitable funny new years jokes, things to say around new years eve, and puns.

Happy New year..!!!

Funny Things To Say On New Year

“Before I agree to 2023, I need to see some terms & conditions.”

“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”

“Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.” 

“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.” 

“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.” 

“My New Year’s resolution list usually starts with the desire to lose between 10 and 3,000 pounds.” 

Related: Funny Santa Jokes

“I’m still the same person I was last year—now I’m just hung over.” 

“It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.” 

“New Year’s resolution: to tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” 

Funny New Year’s Puns

What did the cheerleaders say on New Year’s Day?
“Happy New Cheer!”

Why should you smooch an 8 on New Year’s?
“It leaves room for growth.”

What do New Year’s parades and Santa have in common?
“No one is ever awake to see them.”

Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve?
Because it’s too far to walk.”

Related: Christmas Jokes Funny One Liners

What do criminals pay on Jan. 1?
“New Year’s restitution.”

“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.”

“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.”

What’s the easiest way to keep your New Year’s resolution to read more?
Watch TV with subtitles.”

Why did the woman start cracking up on New Year’s?
“She saw her husband’s resolutions!”

What was the optometrist’s favorite New Year’s celebration?

“I hate it when they drop the ball in Times Square. It reminds me of what I did all year!”

What does every New Year have in store for us?
“Another 365 days!”

Funny New Year’s Eve Puns

What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
The ice falls out of your drinks!”

Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31?
“He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!”

Who gets the most excited about the New Year’s Eve countdown?
“Calendar companies.”

“Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve. December 31st.”

Related: Inappropriate Jokes For Adults

“They say New York has the best New Year’s Eve Party… I’d say it’s overrated — every year they drop the ball.”

Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year’s Eve?
“Times Square.”

What food should you avoid on New Year’s?

What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?
“Social Security.”

What New Year’s resolution guarantees success?
Making a resolution to break your resolution.”

What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1?
“Turns over a new leaf.”

Why should you stand on just your left foot during the New Year’s Eve countdown?
“So you start the New Year on the right foot.”

What does a ghoul say on Dec. 31?
“Happy New Fear!”

“I’M BACK!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR, AMERICANS!!! Sincerely, Your Health Insurance Deductible”

How did Prince celebrate the new millennium?
“He partied like it was 1999.”

What does a dad say on New Year’s Eve?
“I promise I won’t tell any more dad jokes this year.”

Funny New Year’s Resolution Jokes

Which New Year’s resolution is always successful?
“A resolution to break a resolution.”

What is a New Year’s resolution?
“Something that goes in one year and out the other.”

How come no one listens to New Year’s resolutions?
“They go in one year and out the other.”

How can you keep a New Year’s resolution to read more while never opening a book?
“Watch TV with subtitles.”

“My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. But I will wait till tomorrow to start.”

Hilarious New Year’s Eve Jokes

Why did the woman start making breakfast at 11:59 p.m. on December 31?
“She wanted a New Year’s toast.”

What’s the difference between being young and old on New Year’s?
“When you’re young, you’re allowed to stay up till 12, old age is when you’re forced to.”

What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
“The New Year’s Even clean-up crew.”

“I was going to quit all of my bad habits for the new year… But then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.”

What is a corn’s favorite holiday?
“New Ear’s Day.”

Why should you stand on your left foot during the NYE countdown?
“So you can start the New Year on the right foot.”

Why is partying in Times Square overrated?
“The organizers drop the ball every year!”

Funny New Year Riddles Jokes

What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
“Moo Year’s Eve.”

What do you say to your friends on New Year’s Eve?
“I haven’t seen you since last year.”

Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve?
“To ring in the new year.”

Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve?
“Times Square.”

Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve?
“It’s too far to walk.”

What did the little champagne bottle call his father?

What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve?
“Chill out.”

Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
“To start off the new year in a cool way.”

What did the farmer give his wife on New Year’s Eve?
“Hogs and kisses.”

What do you call someone who says they know all the words to “Auld Lang Syne”?
“A liar.”

What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
“He got 12 months!

I hope you guys had fun reading these funny new years jokes!

Moreover, check out these jokes, riddles, and memes on food, love, animal, and holidays for different moods and situations.

Happy new year guys..!!!

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