A well placed one-liner is something, which can make anyone’s mood light and loved.
I have gathered these one liner jokes for you, to light your mood, and make you laugh.
If you want, you can use these one liner jokes, at office parties, friends gathering,s or family functions.
Table of Contents
One Liner Jokes For Adults
What is the difference between “ooooooh”and “aaaaaaah”?
About three inches.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“How do you breathe through that tiny thing?”
Why men’s voice is louder than women?
Men have an antenna.
“I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a shit in days.”
“If s*x is a pain in the @ss, then you’re doing it wrong …”
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.”
“I’ve been taking Via-gra for my sunburn. It doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.”
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“If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are… you have small b00bs.”
“Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some @sshole.”
Brilliant One-Liner Jokes
“The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.”
“Any married person should forget his mistakes. No use two people remembering the same thing.”
“My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.”
“Circumcision is popular because Jewish girls won’t touch anything that’s not at least 15% off.”
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”
What’s one thing a grizzly bear can break just by growling?
“The sound bearier.”
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“I’ve opened a deer cloning service. It’s for anyone hoping to make a quick buck.”
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
“A palm tree.”
How do koala bears stop a TV show?
“They hit the paws button.”
Witty One Liners About Life
“Not saying I live in a rough area but just bought an advent calendar and half the windows are boarded up!”
“Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes.”
“I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.”
“The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.”
“Apparently, I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.”
“Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.”
“Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?”
One Liner Jokes For Kids
“Don’t spell part backward. It’s a trap.”
“I dislike Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.”
“Don’t believe the hype. Velcro is the ultimate rip-off.”
“Whoever invented knock-knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize.”
“If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?”
What did one wall say to the other wall?
“I’ll meet you at the corner!”
“I was going to tell a pizza joke, but it was too cheesy.”
What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
“If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.”
“I just flew in from New York and boy are my arms tired.”
“Would a cardboard belt be a waist of paper?”
“I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.”
“A man walked into a bar. Ouch.”
Hilarious Unheard Jokes
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
“You just have to listen varicosely.”
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
“One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.”
“I stand corrected!” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
“I used to be addicted to soap. But I’m clean now.”
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
“Between you and me, something smells.”
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“It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs. They always take things so literally.”
“Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.”
“I have a joke about time travel, but I’m not gonna share it. You guys didn’t like it.”
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.”
“I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust!”
Funny One Liners For Friends
How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm?
“You look for fresh prints.”
What do you call a dead magician?
What does a CIA agent do when it’s time for bed?
“He goes under cover.”
What do you call a paper airplane that can’t fly?
“As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.”
“Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch, Yeti never complains.”
Sarcastic One Liners
“You are not pretty enough to be this stupid.”
“Why play so hard to get when you are already so hard to want?”
“Whoever told you to be yourself could not have given you a worse advice.”
“You look like a visible fart.”
“As an outsider, what is your perspective on intelligence?”
“You will be utterly forgotten.”
“I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”
“You have not been yourself lately. We have all noticed the improvement.”
“You look like a before picture.”
One Liner Jokes That Are Actually Funny
“Dogs can’t see your bones. But CAT scan.”
“I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job.”
How does a computer get drunk?
“It takes screen shots.”
What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise?
“You do realize that vampires aren’t real. Unless you Count Dracula.”
“I wanted my kids to watch the orchestra, but I had to turn it off. Too much sax and violins.”
What do you call a bundle of hay in a church?
“If prisoners could take their own mugshots… they’d be called cellfies.”
One Liner Jokes Questions
What’s the opposite of irony?
When you die, what part of the body dies last?
“The pupils…they dilate.”
What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?
“Icy dead people.”
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?
Where does the General keep his armies?
“In his sleevies.”
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
“I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus.”
How does a squid go into battle?
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
“Right where you left it.”
What’s E.T. short for?
“Because he’s got little legs.”
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
One Liner Jokes For Seniors
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
“They don’t meet the koalafications.”
What do you call bears with no ears?
Did you hear the watermelon joke?
What do lawyers wear to court?
What do you call the wife of a hippie?
How does the moon cut his hair?
One Liner Jokes For Work
“I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.”
“My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.”
“Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.”
“I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn’t matter none of them work.”
“Claustrophobic people are more productive in thinking outside of the box.”
“I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.”
I hope, my collection of one liner jokes is good enough for you and it made you laugh.
If you want you can also check out our Bad puns.