Naughty & Dirty Christmas Jokes Puns List 2022
Here are naughty Christmas jokes and puns to share dirty Santa joke with friends to have a fun time. Enjoy!
What do snowmen use to make snowbabies?
What do three hos get you?
“One very jolly Santa.”
How is Christmas just like any other day at the office?
“You do a bunch of work and some guy in a suit gets all the credit.”
Why do elves laugh when they run?
“Because the snow tickles their balls.”
What does The Grinch do with a baseball bat?
“Hits a gnome and runs.”
What do you get if you deep-fry Santa Claus?
Why did the Snowman want a divorce?
“Because his wife was a total flake.”
Why did the Grinch hit up the liquor store?
“He was desperate for some holiday spirit.”
What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney?
“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”
What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs?
“Whatever the hell you want. He can’t hear you.”
I love this time of year.
“You can slam your laptop shut when your partner walks into the room and you don’t get any disgusted looks.”
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
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As I was paying the cashier for my Christmas tree, he asked, “Are you going to put that up yourself?”
“I said, No, I’m putting it up in the living room.”
Why does Santa always land on your roof?
“Because he likes it on top.”
Why did Santa divorce Mrs. Claus?
“He was obsessed with getting the cookie.”
What do you call Santa’s helpers?
What does Mrs. Claus get when she wears tight pants?
What do all the female reindeer do when Santa takes the males out to guide his sleigh?
“They go into town and blow more than a few bucks.”
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What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?
“Santa was smart enough to stop at three hos.”
Little boy: Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother
“Santa: Send me your m0ther”
Santa saw your Instagram photos. You’re getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.
Dear Santa, I would like a new birth suit this year. The old one is wrinkly and sagging. Thank you!
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
“A rebel without a Claus.”
What does One Direction and my Christmas tree have in common?
“They both have ornamental balls.”
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What’s the difference between a Christmas tree and Santa?
“A Christmas tree will stay up for 12 nights, has cute balls, and looks good with the lights on.”
Why does Santa Claus like to get naughty after coming down the chimney?
“Because it soots him.”
What happened when Mr. and Mrs. Claus got randy beneath the Christmas tree?
“She came down with tinselitis!”
Why was the elf having trouble with his l*bido?
“He had low elf-esteem.”
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What do priests and Christmas trees have in common?
“Their balls are just ornamental.”
Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
“He sold his soul to Santa.”
Dreaming of a white Christmas?
“Jingle my balls, baby.”
I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come…
“Then there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.”
Why does Santa go to str*p clubs?
“To visit all his ho ho ho’s.”
So my girlfriend wanted a white Christmas…
“But when I c*me on her face that morning, she didn’t even thank me.”
What do you call a girl who cheats on you during the holidays?
“A ho ho ho bag.”
Christmas is so stupid…
“Whomever invented it should be nailed to a cross.”
Dirty Christmas Jokes Pick Up Lines 2022
Here are some of the best dirty holiday jokes to share naughty Christmas puns with friends and others to have a fun activity.
What do a train set and b**bs have in common?
“They were both made for kids but dads can’t help playing with them.”
Is your name Jingle Bells?
“Cause you look ready to go all the way.”
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Have you heard about Adolph, the brown-nosed reindeer?
“He can run as fast as Rudolph, he just can’t stop as fast.”
Why are Christmas trees better than men?
“Even the small ones give satisfaction.”
Are you Christmas?
“‘Cause I wanna merry you!”
“You know, that’s not a candy cane in my pocket… I’m just THAT happy to see you.”
Why does Santa always come through the chimney?
“Because he knows better than to try the back door.”
Why did Santa send his daughter to college?
“To keep her off the North Pole.”
What do you call Santa if he also lives in the South Pole?
Why was the snowman smiling?
“He could see the snowblower coming down the street.”
Why is Santa so damn jolly?
“Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.”
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
“Because the present’s beneath them.”
Why did the Grinch rob the liquor store?
“He desperately needed some holiday spirit.”
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Why doesn’t Santa have kids of his own?
“He only comes once a year.”
Wanna see the North Pole?
“At least that’s what Mrs. Claus calls it.”
What’s Santa’s safe s*x tip?
“Wrap your package before shoving it down the chimney.”
What’s the most disappointing thing for a man on Christmas morning?
“When he gets a sweater, but he’s hoping for a screamer or a [email protected]”
Why does Santa land on the roof?
“Because he likes it on top.”
“If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, do you mind if I visit between the holidays?”
What is a Christmas pickup line? (video)