Let’s not waste any more time with jokes that are meant for families or young children.
It’s time for some filth and filth that we all secretly crave.
These dirty adult jokes are not kids friendly especially school environment, but best for you.
We all find dirty jokes humorous, so don’t feel shy or embarrassed, your secret is with us, don’t worry.
Here I have collected a few funny short jokes for adults for you to end your craving for spicy, dirty stuff, use them, and have fun.
Table of Contents
Short Jokes For Adults
Here are some of the dirtiest short jokes for adults to have a fun time with friends and partners.
How do you make a pool table laugh?
“Tickle its balls.”
How is life like toilet paper?
“You’re either on a roll or taking s*** from someone”
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?
“I want you inside me.”
“I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.”
“A n*ked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
“Because she outgrew her B-shells!”
Why did the sp*rm cross the road?
“Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.”
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
What is Moby D*ck’s dad’s name?
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What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
“Beef strokin’ off!”
What do you do when your cat’s dead?
“Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.”
What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
“A private tutor!”
What did the leper say to the s*x worker?
“Keep the tip.”
What do you call the l*sbian version of a c0ck block?
“A beaver dam!”
Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults | Hilarious
What do you call an expert fisherman?
“A Master Baiter.”
What do a p*nis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
“The more you play with it, the harder it gets.”
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
“To keep its nuts dry.”
What did one b*tt cheek say to the other?
“Together, we can stop this crap.”
What’s long, green, and smells like bacon?
“Kermit The Frog’s fingers!”
What do you get when you cross a d*ck with a potato?
What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls?
“A white Christmas!”
Related: Dirty Winter Jokes For Adults
How is s*x like a game of bridge?
“If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.”
What comes after 69?
What does Pinocchio’s lover say to him?
“Lie to me! Lie to me!”
What’s the difference between hungry and h0rny?
“Where you stick the cucumber.”
How do you make your girlfriend scream during s*x?
“Call and tell her about it.”
What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?
What are the three shortest words in the English language?
“Is it in?”
Short Funny Jokes For Adults
Did you hear they arrested the devil?
“Yeah, they got him on possession.”
What happens to an illegally parked frog?
“It gets toad away.”
What did one DNA say to the other DNA?
“Do these genes make me look fat?”
How does the man in the moon get his hair cut?
What’s a dog’s favorite homework assignment?
“A lab report.”
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
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Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
“All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach…”
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
“Because they have two left feet.”
“Our child has a great deal of willpower—and even more won’t power.”
“Among the things that are so simple even a child can operate them are parents.”
Knock Knock Funny Jokes For Adults
Gouda knock knock jokes, don’t you think?
Honeydew you wanna dance?
Omelette you finish.
Says me, that’s who!
Ruff ruff who?
Who let the dogs out? I heard barking!
Related: Naughty Knock Knock Jokes For Adults
I’ll see you in court!
Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care!
I am who?
I am who is knocking. Who are you?
Nana your business.
Ray D. who?
Ray D or not, here I come.
One Liner Jokes For Adults
What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
“Beat it. We’re closed.”
What’s long and hard and full of s*men?
“My IQ test results came back. They were negative.”
What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
“A polar bear.”
Why can’t you trust an atom?
“Because they make up literally everything.”
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How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
“By becoming a ventriloquist.”
What does the receptionist at a sp*rm bank say as clients leave?
“Thanks for coming!”
What do you call a hippie’s wife?
What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law?
“Outlaws are wanted.”
Long Funny Jokes For Adults
What does one saggy b00b say to the other saggy b00b?
“If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a c0nd0m?
“C0nd0ms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.”
“A family’s driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don’t worry, dear. That was just an insect.” “Wow,” the boy replies. “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!”
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“A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office. The doctor walks in and says, “I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.” “I don’t understand, doc,” the patient says. “Why?” “Because,” the doctor says. “I’m trying to examine you.”
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
“One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.”
Funny Jokes For Adults At Work
What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
“Don’t wok away from me!”
Why did the candle quit his job?
“He was burned out.”
“My brother has 2 Dobermans called Rolex and Timex. They are watchdogs.’
“The CEO of Ikea was appointed Prime Minister of Sweden. He’s currently assembling his cabinet.”
What’s a pirate’s favorite content?
Why did one auto company attack another auto company?
What’s a foot long and slippery?
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Our new e-book!
Our new e-book, who?
“Doctor: I’m sorry, but we had to remove your colon. Me Why?”
“I once survived the fallout from moving an image 1 cm to the right in Word.”
“Today I saved $236.17 by not going to target for toothpaste.”
Why does a bride always cry at the wedding?
“Because she never marries the best man.”
Clean Jokes For Adults | Funny
Want to hear a roof joke?
“The first one’s on the house.”
“I saw a movie about how ships are put together. It was riveting.”
What should you do if you’re attacked by a group of clowns?
“Go straight for the juggler.”
“I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.”
Why don’t koalas count as bears?
“They don’t have the right koalafications.”
Related: Best Cold Jokes That Are As Cool As Ice
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
“Because he always has a great fall.”
Why did the taxi driver get fired?
“Passengers didn’t like it when she went the extra mile.”
How do you look for Will Smith in the snow?
“Just follow the fresh prints.”
What do you get when you pour root beer into a square cup?
“It’s always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.”
“Some people eat snails. They must not like fast food.”
How do mountains stay warm in the winter?
I hope you will have fun while reading these jokes, if you are interested you can check out our other jokes too.
Moreover, check out these jokes, riddles, and memes on food, love, animal, and holiday to get more ideas to suit different moods and situations.
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